Thursday, April 10, 2008

I Want

I want to move to a big city and start a brand new life. I'll meet that special someone and be in a long-term, loving relationship. I'll work in a job that I enjoy and eventually buy an upscale condo in a decent neighborhood, and one day a nice house in the suburbs. Life will be full of happy gatherings and cookouts with our friends, neighbors, and family. We'll take vacations to odd places full of laughter and take oodles of goofy pictures with each other. Life would be fun and I'd be happy.

I want to live on a farm and grow things in the dirt. I'll have livestock to raise and crops to harvest. I'll wake with the sun and spend the day outside surrounded by the plants and animals I care for. Perhaps I'll eventually find someone who shares my desire for this type of life and we'll spend our weekends at farmer's markets and pick-alongs. There would always be something that needs doing on a farm, but life wouldn't seem pointless, and I'd be happy.

I want to abandon all sense of stability and modern living and walk the Appalachian Trail. To experience nature and life in a way very few people these days are able to imagine anymore. Spending each day with the only things I truly need packed on my back and with a singular goal in mind: to take one more step. To reach the end and not only feel a sense of great accomplishment, but perhaps to realize more about myself and grow along the way. Nothing about this would be easy, but I'd be happy.


I want to live a life where I'm not afraid of everything. I want to laugh, to love, and to cry without this suffocating fear of what you think of me constantly keeping me locked away inside myself. I want to find the courage to be the suburbanite, or the farmer, or the thru-hiker if I feel like it. Or even some combination of them all. To be whatever me I want to be.

Then I'll be happy.

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