It's Showtime

It's time to get my renal stents and angioplasties done, so under the knife I go in the morning. It's a fairly routine procedure that they do all the time in hospitals across the world, so I'm not worried about it. Complications are extremely rare for renal stents, and death only occurs in less than 1% of patients. I don't anticipate anything bad happening at all and fully expect to be at work on Friday after the "recovery" period. I'm honestly not expecting anything out of the ordinary happening.

But just to show how my mind works: I've been singing Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" all night.

So just in case the universe decides to have a little fun and lets me be that one person who gets to be a statistic...it's almost been kinda fun with all you people. In the words of the immortal (literally) Bilbo Baggins: "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

Quitter

Today is the 2-year anniversary for me being cigarette free. As my brand of choice was Camel Ultra-Lights (hard pack), at a pack a day, that calculates out to:

14,600 cigarettes I didn’t smoke
$2,190 saved (conservative estimate using $3 per pack)
5,840 mg of nicotine not entering my lungs
73,000 mg of tar not entering my lungs
102,200 mg of carbon monoxide not entering my lungs

Lighting up has become a vague memory at this point and it’s not really something that I think about much anymore. It’s been on my mind more than normal recently as this date has been approaching. And of course all the doctors and nurses at each visit I’ve made ask if I smoke so that’s kept it in my mind a bit more as well.

All of the above being said, I still miss smoking quite a bit. Yes I’m healthier for quitting. Yes it’s a nasty habit and the leading cause of all kinds of statistics. But damn it all was it fantastic! Being able to light up and get a fix any time of the day? More of that please. Before pulling the plug, stick a cigarette in my mouth and fire it up. If that doesn’t bring me out of the coma then I’m a goner and you can safely disconnect the machines.

Smoke ‘em and enjoy ‘em today. Have an extra one for me.

I Want

I want to move to a big city and start a brand new life. I'll meet that special someone and be in a long-term, loving relationship. I'll work in a job that I enjoy and eventually buy an upscale condo in a decent neighborhood, and one day a nice house in the suburbs. Life will be full of happy gatherings and cookouts with our friends, neighbors, and family. We'll take vacations to odd places full of laughter and take oodles of goofy pictures with each other. Life would be fun and I'd be happy.
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I want to live on a farm and grow things in the dirt. I'll have livestock to raise and crops to harvest. I'll wake with the sun and spend the day outside surrounded by the plants and animals I care for. Perhaps I'll eventually find someone who shares my desire for this type of life and we'll spend our weekends at farmer's markets and pick-alongs. There would always be something that needs doing on a farm, but life wouldn't seem pointless, and I'd be happy.
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I want to abandon all sense of stability and modern living and walk the Appalachian Trail. To experience nature and life in a way very few people these days are able to imagine anymore. Spending each day with the only things I truly need packed on my back and with a singular goal in mind: to take one more step. To reach the end and not only feel a sense of great accomplishment, but perhaps to realize more about myself and grow along the way. Nothing about this would be easy, but I'd be happy.

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I want to live a life where I'm not afraid of everything. I want to laugh, to love, and to cry without this suffocating fear of what you think of me constantly keeping me locked away inside myself. I want to find the courage to be the suburbanite, or the farmer, or the thru-hiker if I feel like it. Or even some combination of them all. To be whatever me I want to be.

Then I'll be happy.