It's Only Words

Chopped!

2010-09-08T22:36:00.000-04:00

Found out this morning that I did not make the culinary competition team. I had a blast and actually learned quite a bit doing it so no worries; I'll know more about what to expect when I try out again next year.

The chef in charge of the program is the instructor for a class I had this afternoon, and he talked to me about it some. He said they were actually very impressed with what I cooked, and I surprised them with it. They weren't expecting a dish like that, especially from a first-year student with no real training yet. He told me that I was 4th in line to be picked (there were only 3 spots open), so I missed it by one. So I guess if one of the people drops from the team then I could be flagged as a replacement.

Was kinda cool to hear that I managed to surprise (in a good way) all the chef judges.

Tryouts

2010-09-05T11:43:00.000-04:00

The Hot Food Team Tryout was pretty cool. I was fairly nervous going in since I’ve only been a culinary student for all of 2 weeks now and had never done anything remotely similar to this before. But I didn’t let those kind of thoughts bog me down. When my allotted start time came, I went to my station, took a deep breath to clear my head, and got to work.

The first thing we had to do was show our knife skills. We had to julienne 2oz of potatoes, create 2 tourne potatoes, and peel and segment an orange (with a knife so the pieces looked fancy). The juliennes aren’t super difficult, but cutting them all the same and to the required size is harder than it sounds. They have to be cut to ⅛ x ⅛ x 2 inch pieces; roughly the size of a small wooden matchstick. Mine ended up a little bigger than that, but I tried to keep them as consistent as possible so they’d all at least look the same.

(None of the below pics are mine, I didn't have a camera with me. I gleaned these pics from the web)

Julienne Potatoes

I’ve never peeled and segmented an orange with a knife before starting school, but turns out I’m pretty good at it. Takes a steady hand so you don’t cut too deeply into the orange when peeling it, and even steadier when slicing out the segments. You have to slice down between the thin membranes of the individual pieces to get a good looking piece, so it’s easy to frak it up if you’re not careful. Mine came out very nice though.

Segmenting an Orange

The big cutting skill is the tourne. You have to end up with a potato that’s 2 inches long, oval in shape (with flat ends), and has 7 distinct sides to it. Picture a barrel shape and you’ll have a better idea of the final figure. It takes a bit of finesse to get it right and the finished product is a fancy looking little potato slice. I’ve been practicing them all week and managed to turn out 2 that looked good enough for government work, so I was happy.

Tournees

Once the knife skills portion was done I moved onto the cooking phase. We got to pick what we made beforehand from either an appetizer, entrée, or a dessert. I was the only person who picked a dessert, and it was something I sort of threw together from a mix of 3 other recipes I had. It doesn’t have an official name but it was a blend of baked apples slices, roasted sweet potatoes, candied walnuts, a balsamic vinegar glaze (technically a gastrique), and a fried sage leaf as a decoration to top it off. We had to make 2 plates, one they could examine and another they could taste. It all came together nicely (except for the glaze, which was a little too thick) and I put it on the judges table for them to critique.

They seemed to be intrigued by it and the majority of their comments were positive. They liked its flavor profile and said it had a good combination of texture to it. While they thought it might be a little small portionwise to be a full-fledged dessert, it would work great as a palette cleanser before a super sweet dessert course, or be a great accompaniment to something like lamb chops. Overall they seemed happy with it, and that made all the work I’d put into it worth it. And I had fun doing it.

11 of us tried out for 3 spots on the team and we’ll find out next week sometime who made the cut. It’d be super cool if I make the team and can start getting myself ready to do this on a more serious scale. If I don’t make it then that’s cool too; I’ll focus on my classes and honing my skills and try again next year. Either way, I had great fun doing this and am very glad I stuck my neck out there and did it.

Week 1

2010-08-27T19:39:00.000-04:00

Just completed my first full week of classes and it’s been a bit of a blur; tons of information and old-yet-new experiences thrown at me from all sides: syllabi and class projects; building layouts and professors’ personalities; eating lunch in the car and being surrounded by people half my age. It’s great!

It’s a little overwhelming but I think I’m starting to get a feel for the rhythm each class is taking on and how I’ll need to allot my time to get everything done. I did end up dropping my Psychology class in order to free up some time on Wednesdays and Fridays though. It felt like things were a bit too cluttered and I would be pressed for time since the culinary classes are going to require a substantial amount of commitment outside of normal class hours. No worries though, I’ll take it later down the road and enjoy it then.

Even though I’m just getting started with all this, I’ve already learned quite a bit. They taught several classical knife cuts this week, and I think I did pretty well with them. It’ll obviously take many, many hours of practice to get them all perfect but it should be fun. Next week we turn the stoves and ovens on and get to dive right into things even deeper…can’t wait.

I did do something a little crazy: I signed up to try out for their competition team. This is the team that trains hours and hours each week (in addition to their normal classes) in order to goto regional, state, and national level competitions to prove how good they are. They’ve made it to the national level competitions the last 6 years or so, and even won the national title in ’07. (I believe it was ’07 that they won…don’t quote me on the exact year though)

So even though I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing, I’ll be in the kitchen next Friday night cooking up a dessert dish for the culinary school chefs to critique(all of whom own or have owned their own restaurants, and some have competed at national/international levels for decades). It’s very daunting and I’m extremely nervous about the whole thing, but I figured what the hell. New Me has decided to walk this new path, might as well do it up right. No regrets. At the very least it’ll be a cool experience.

And if I somehow pull off the underdog thing and actually make it, what better way to become a good chef than by competing against the best students in the country.

No Worries

2010-08-17T23:09:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow I’ll be a full-time student again, for the first time in over 15 years. And I’m surprised at how calm I am about it.

The biggest things I’ve been thinking about are how hot I’m going to be in my culinary costume, and where to strategically park the car between class buildings to minimize walking and carrying of books. My books and kitchen supplies weigh in at 30lbs, so I’m trying to find ways to lighten the load by leaving some books in the car and switching them out between classes. On the AT having 30lbs on my back meant I was carrying enough food and supplies to survive for a week in the woods. Now it equates to a single day’s worth of books. Funny that.

The old me would have been a bundle of nerves about all this. Worrying about being the “old guy” in the class and what people would think. Anxious about doing something so different than what I’m used to doing. Nervous about failing and letting myself down.

But I’m not any of that anymore. I’m ready for this, and I’m excited about the possibilities of it all. I’m doing life differently this time around. I’m going to have fun and do something that I enjoy.

And hopefully I’ll get to eat some really good food along the way.

Visualize It

2010-06-18T16:31:00.000-04:00

What the Gulf oil spill would look like if it were in Asheville. Click to make bigger.

From http://www.ifitwasmyhome.com/

Random Ridgeline

2010-04-02T17:05:00.000-04:00

Date: April 1, 2010
Destination: Random Ridgeline above Hot Springs
Sleeping location: Tent
Daily miles: 8.0

Another perfect day weather-wise. It might have actually been a touch too hot, my forehead and face feel sunburnt.

The coolest thing today happened about a third of the way up Bluff Mountain. There was a small clearing about a hundred yards from the Trail & a jeep was parked there with people milling about. I looked closer and it looked to be an archaeological digsite of some sort. Very, very nifty! I should have stopped to chat with them but I kept going up the mountain instead.

Had lunch today sitting on a rock at the top of Bluff Mountain. I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful spot. It was a fun climb up and well worth the effort.

The worst thing today was an error on my trail map. I got to where I'd planned on stopping earlier than anticipated, and since my map showed a tiny knob with only a 140ft elevation gain ahead, I decided to push on for another 30mins or so. 2 hours & much higher than 140ft later, I finally reached the top. Guess that was my "April Fools" for the day.

I'm camped tonight on a ridgeline just on the other side of this unnamed mointain. Pulled an 8.0 mile day today, and man does everything hurt. Should make it to Hot Springs tomorrow.

Walnut Mountain Shelter

2010-04-02T16:57:00.000-04:00

Date: March 31, 2010
Destination: Walnut Mountain Shelter
Sleeping location: Tent
Daily miles: 4.9

Woke up this morning with a thick frost on the tent. It was a cold one last night.

Got off to a late start this morning, but that was according to plan. The next shelter was just under 5 miles away so I knew it would be a short day. I took my time and enjoyed the journey today.

Once the sun came up and defrosted everything the day was perfect. Not too warm or cold, and the spring sun shone in a cloudless sky. Wonderful day to be in the woods.

I'm camped on a small ridge above the shelter tonight. I tried to position the tent so it'll catch the earliest rays of the morning sun, just in case it's frigid again this evening.

Roaring Fork Gap Shelter

2010-04-02T16:41:00.000-04:00

Date: March 30, 2010
Destination: Roaring Fork Gap Shelter
Sleeping location: Tent
Daily miles: 1.8

Due to several recent happenings it's going to be a rather short section hiking journey this time. No worries though, even a little bit of the AT is better than none at all.

BigFoot dropped me off at Max Patch this evening after he got off work, so I booked it to Roaring Fork Gap Shelter before it got dark. Only a 1.8 mile day, but a good start nonetheless. It's looking to be a chilly evening but tomorrow's weather is supposed to be amazing so a bit of cold tonight will be worth it.

It feels utterly fantastic to be back on the AT again, even for a short time.

Plan B

2010-03-20T00:06:00.000-04:00

I should have realized Plan A never quite materializes for me.

Instead of tomorrow, I'll be hitting the Trail next Saturday, on March 27th. Which coincidentally is 1 year to the day of my starting date last year.

That's what I like to call a Sign.

Plans

2010-03-18T23:01:00.005-04:00

Other than large amounts of time spent waiting, the dental thing went pretty well the other day. Several of my teeth are in rough shape and are going to need a considerable amount of dentist’s attention. Which comes as no real shock to me. Per my customary habit of procrastination, I’ve avoided anything resembling a dentist for quite a number of years. But a lifetime of poor brushing & flossing habits, an overly sugary diet (damn those tasty soft drinks), 15 years of smoking cigarettes, and a long genetic history of brittle teeth (thanks Dad) have finally taken their toll.

It’s going to be a bit before I can get anything done though. They’re booked until mid-May and I can’t get an appointment any earlier. Of course if something happens like another toothache or infection before May, then they can work me in earlier. But otherwise it’ll be roughly 2 months before I go back. There’s no way around it though, I’ve avoided my toothy problems for far too long. Which adds a rather large twist to my previous plan.

Initially I had intended to get dropped off at Max Patch and continue my trek of the AT this Spring-Summer. I briefly thought about starting the whole thing over again from Springer Mtn in Georgia, but that thought didn’t last very long. The 250 miles I’ve already done aren’t much in the entire 2,200-ish mile length of the AT, but I’d rather not do them again right now. That technically makes me a section-hiker at this point, but I’m cool with that. Hike your own Hike, and all. But I now have 3 dental appointments scheduled from May 18th-June15th that can’t be skipped…so the hiking logistics require a bit more than a “start here and go north for as far as I can” strategy.

With all three appointments spaced out like they are, I’ll be off the Trail for about 3-4 weeks. The first two appointments are within days of each other but there’s a 2½ week span of time between the last two. I figure I’ll want a few days of recovery time after all the toothwork, so that leaves me with roughly 2 weeks of lost hiking time. Two weeks that I’d rather not lose. Since I’m lucky enough to live within an hour’s drive of several places where the AT crosses roads, I came up with a tentatively modified plan:

Instead of starting where I stopped last year at Max Patch, I’m going to skip ahead 75 miles or so to a little place called Spivey Gap, near Erwin, TN, and start there. I’ll go as far as I can from this Saturday ‘til just before my first appointment in mid-May, and then head back home. Then in the 2 weeks I have between appointments, I’ll do the stretch from Max Patch to Spivey Gap and head back home again. Once the final appointment is over I’ll hop back on where I stopped initially and continue from there.

So for a timeline of sorts:

Springer to Max Patch…Last Year
Max Patch to Spivey Gap…skip for now
Spivey Gap to “As Far As I Can Go”…March 20, 2010 to Mid-May, 2010
---Icky dental stuff happens here---
Max Patch to Spivey Gap…2 week downtime
---More icky dental stuff---
“As Far As I Went Before” to Katahdin…Early June 2010 to whenever

It makes it kind of a hodge-podge hike instead of a single straight shot, but it’ll add an unusual spin to things. And I tend to like things on the unusual side anyway.

Slotting 2 weeks to do the 75 mile stretch from Max Patch to Spivey Gap may seem like a generous estimate but there are several factors involved in that time frame.

I’m a “smell the roses” type of hiker, so I tend to go slower than the usual AT-autobahn that many hikers seem to be on (not that there’s anything wrong with that…Hike your own Hike).
The stretch of the AT between Hot Springs and Erwin is notorious for being on the strenuous side. Quite a few of the books and journals I’ve read cite Erwin, TN as a place where many hopeful AT hikes come to an end due to injuries. I want to be able to take my time and not hurt any body part I may need later. I don’t want this year to end like last year.
After all the initial dental work I may not feel like doing much besides resting anyway.

So slotting 2 weeks for it seems like a good idea to me.

Concrete is Cold

2010-03-17T06:25:00.003-04:00

It's 5:15 in the morning and I'm sitting on a cold concrete curb in a parking lot. I'm here because I have a toothache but I don't have dental insurance. Even if I did it's notoriously bad for only covering 10-20% of costs anyway, so odds are good I might be here regardless.

I'm sitting outside the division of the local Health Department that covers adult dental care, and I'm not alone. They only see 6 new patients per day, so if you want affordable care you gotta get here early. I'm person #5 sitting outside waiting for them to open, and #6 just walked up and got in line behind me. The first person in line has been here since 3:00 am! I wonder how many people will show up and not get a spot this morning.

They open in 3 hours so it's going to be an interesting wait. I brought a book to pass the time but it's a bit hard to read by street light, so it's purely a waiting game at this point. I haven't spent too many mornings sitting in a parking lot watching the sun come up.

At least it's not raining.

Arrested Development

2010-03-05T16:02:00.001-05:00

Frozen chocolate covered bananas on a stick.

I'm sure they're tasty but there's just something that's not quite right about them.

Run for the Border

2010-02-13T23:24:00.004-05:00

Went on a "let's get out of the house" road trip today. Did a few random things around Asheville, then hopped on I-26 and went north. There's a couple inches of snow on the ground pretty much everywhere, from the snowfall yesterday.

Karen Wynne had one thing right about today though, it was bitterly cold with that wind blowing.

Ended up crossing the border into Tennessee for a bit and the snow started really picking up. Managed to get some decent shots of the area though. Very pretty there.

This is the highest bridge in North Carolina, and it has built-in de-icing capability. Little nozzles automatically spray out de-icing stuff so people don't go careening into this peaceful little valley below in the winter time.

Test Post

2010-02-13T23:06:00.000-05:00

This is a test post to see how this works and looks from the phone.

Lake Powhatan

2010-01-24T11:21:00.003-05:00

I went for a little walking hike around Lake Powhatan and Bent Creek yesterday. The weather was a little on the chilly side but once I got moving the chill actually felt pretty good. I’d never been to the Lake Powhatan area before and was pleasantly surprised by it. The Lake was very cool and peaceful and it had loads of biking and hiking trails crisscrossed around.

The bit of Bent Creek I saw there was cool too. There was an old mill in the area back in the day and you can still see some of the masonry flume walls around. Also saw a link from a very old chain slowly rusting away in a spring leading into the creek, so that was cool. Love finding little bits of the past in unexpected places like that.

Today’s already started out dreary and the next couple of days are supposed to be the same, so the plan is to stay inside and putter around the house wasting time. Should be easy for me to do.

Making a big meaty beef stew in the crock pot too, so at lest there’s something good to look forward to on a cold wintry day like today.

Pics.

Lost

2010-01-18T16:40:00.001-05:00

It was raining when I got up on Saturday morning and continued on and off over the day. And since I felt like I was fighting off the beginning of a cold, I decided to turn it into a marathon TV type of weekend.

When I left for the Trail last spring, I missed out on the second half of Lost. I was able to see enough of the early season to know they were going to whip the storyline all over the time-space continuum, but I never knew how it ended. So recently a friend loaned me a copy of the entire season, and I spent the weekend catching up on all of the episodes.

I’ve talked about it before, but one of my all-time biggest annoyances is spoilers. Of any kind. Telling me what’s going to happen in something I haven’t seen or read or experienced before is a quick and almost sure-fire way to piss me off. So on the tiny possibility that some random surfer happens to wander by here and read my ramblings hasn’t seen it yet, I won’t spoil it for you.

I will say this though: Loved it.

Ice Water

2010-01-11T18:37:00.004-05:00

Didn’t accomplish much this weekend; it was too cold to do much more than stay in and try to keep warm. I did head out for a bit on a random drive Saturday afternoon. Drove towards the Blue Ridge Parkway (it’s closed due to winter weather though) and ended up driving south along the French Broad River towards Brevard.

Just as I went under the Parkway, I drove by a small park along the river and noticed something odd. There were trees leaning over along the bank with the tips of their branches dangling in the water, and everywhere they touched there was a white patch of ice. It looked kinda cool from the car so later when I turned around, I decided to stop at the park on my way back home.

It ended up being one of those things that you randomly do on a random drive that became the memory that makes the day special.

Not only was there ice formed on the tree branches, it was covering everything near the bank. It had formed in these cool ripple shapes from the water moving over it, and even had a layer of snow on it in places. I didn’t get many pics since I didn’t have any gloves and the wind was gusting constantly, driving the temps well below 0 ºF. In the few minutes it took to snap a dozen or so pics, my hands were burning they were so cold.

Very, very glad I stopped though.

All the pics are here.

Avatar

2010-01-06T21:37:00.003-05:00

So I finally made it out to see "Avatar" this afternoon. I've seen previews for it for a while now but it wasn't really one of those "must see" movies for me. It looked cool and all, but I wasn't so sure the plot would be anything I haven't seen before, and the 3D aspect of it gave me second thoughts. But my life is completely SciFi-free and has been for a while, so I needed a hit in a bad way.

No spoilers so...overall I'll say that it was an ok movie. It satisfied my SciFi needs (for a bit). I'd give it 3 out of 5; 'bout in the middle of things.

$7 for a matinee, plus $3.50 "surcharge" for the 3D effects kinda sucked ass though. It's no wonder movie theatres are doing so poorly.

Welcome to the Future

2010-01-03T21:03:00.003-05:00

When I was growing up, the year 2010 sounded made up. A lot of people were hung up on the year 2000 being the big one, what with the whole millennium thing and all. But for me it was always 2010 that did it. Not only would 2000 have already happened in this future world, but it would have been a whole decade later!

It sounded like it was impossibly far into the future to actually be a real year someday. Plus look at it; the number itself just looks odd. Never in my wildest dreams (at age 8ish or so) did I think I’d someday been living in 2010. The 80s sure, and the 90s were kind of believable, but the year 2010? No way man.

Guess I need a new year to see as being far off in Future World now. How’s 2050 sound?

Maybe I'll be driving my hover car on the moon by then.

Fall Adventure

2009-10-25T17:04:00.002-04:00

I went on a little adventure on Saturday to visit a few waterfalls and try to catch a glimpse of some Fall leaf color before it goes away. The higher elevations are already looking pretty bleak and winter-like but for the most part it looked to be peaking at the places I was. The weather was fantastic and the skies were crisp and clear so I was able to snap some good pics.

Waterfall on Highway 215

Courthouse Falls

Action shot!

Cool cloud formation attacking Mt. Pisgah

Some Fall color

Quite a few other pics from the day are on my Flickr page here. Overall it was a very nice adventure.

Lost

2009-10-18T17:43:00.002-04:00

I’m feeling somewhat directionless right now. I get this way often; any kind of constant routine tends to do it to me sooner or later. I fall into this circle of going to work at the same time every morning, coming home at the same time in the afternoon, doing the domestic chores the same day as last week, etc. While some people find a routine like that comforting and an inevitable part of life, doing the same things the same way all the time makes me feel a little rundown. Like I’m spinning around in a big circular rut, and even though it feels like I’m constantly moving in different directions, the only thing that really happens is being dizzy and knowing that I’ll fall over if I stop. But usually all it takes is some small deviation in the pattern to break up the monotony and make me feel better. Things like spending a weekend day exploring back roads I’ve never been on before, having lunch at a new place, or buying a new geek toy. Nothing major, just a little distraction for a bit to refresh me, and then it’s back to the routine until the next distraction is needed.

Lately though nothing has seemed to help. It’s been this way since I had to come off the Trail, but the feeling is intensifying. I have a couple of job interviews for office-type positions this week, and I know that’s what’s making it worse. Don’t get me wrong, it’s taken months to get this close to working again in this economy and I’m happy to finally have some interviews lined up. I need a job in a bad way right now. But the thought of stepping into a new office-job and starting to spin around in a new circle is horrifying for me.

I’ve changed jobs and moved to new places before (and enjoyed doing it), so it’s not the idea of starting over somewhere that’s the problem. Things are different now. The time I spent on the Trail and what it awakened (and continues to awaken) in me has changed something fundamental inside. “Hike your own hike” is as good a motto for life as it is for AT hopefuls and I’m trying to listen to my inner guide and follow my own path. I don’t want to spin in place this time; that way of living is not for me anymore. I want to keep walking forward and experience new things every day.

But I’m scared that I’m going to wake up a year from now and realize that I’ve fallen into the trap yet again. Whenever I think of the jobs I’m interviewing for this week I start feeling dizzy and the sense of directionless sends me reeling again. I don’t know what to do or which direction to go. I really miss the Trail.

12 of 12

2009-09-12T20:50:00.003-04:00

Guess it's time to bring this ol' blog back to life, and what better way to do it than with a 12 of 12. Chad created this cool idea...on the 12th of the month you take 12 pics to show how you spent your day.

I started the day intending to head to the NC Mountain State Fair, but decided not to go due to the legions of people lined up for miles outside the parking lot with the same idea. Instead I decided to hit downtown Asheville for lunch due to a gift certificate to Doc Chey's.

9:00am
Morning Glory vines on the front porch.

1:00pm
Leaving the house, good thing it's protected by Brinks...and Gracie.

1:04pm
Gas is still on the cheap side. Yay!

1:40pm
Doc Chey's Noodle House. Good food, great atmosphere.

2:20pm
Walking off the lunch calories downtown.

2:45pm
Art inside a shop downtown.

3:30pm
Love this sign for the Thirsty Monk. Still need to stop in the place and see what it's like.

3:45pm
Cool gate outside the Trinity Episcopal Church; on the way back to the car.

4:30pm
Nap Time.

7:00pm
Yeah it's bad for me, but it's so damn tasty. Besides, I went out on a random drive (where I just start driving and go whichever direction I haven't been before) and ended up near the place. It was fate, I had to eat there.

7:45pm
Train going by on the way home.

8:04pm
Yeah, odds are it's wasted money. Fun though.

AT Link

2009-03-23T13:12:00.004-04:00

Below is the link to my online trail journal that I'll be updating as I'm on the Appalachian Trail. I thought about just using this blog as my journal, but the site below is used by a large majority of the long-distance hiking community and by having a presence there it'll make it easier for other hikers to find me, if they need to for some reason. Plus it does cool things like automatically tracking my miles.

My Trail Journal:
http://www.trailjournals.com/greent

I may pop in occasionally to put some updates here, but the plan right now is to keep the journal site as my active blog for the time that I'm in the woods.

Ducks

2009-03-17T19:48:00.004-04:00

Since it was such a beautiful afternoon a couple of co-workers and I decided to eat lunch outside today. We stopped at Jersey Mike's Subs and grabbed some food then headed to Beaver Lake in north Asheville. The area around the southern part of the lake is a Bird Sanctuary and has a trail with a boardwalk and benches set up for bird watching. So we got to have a nice peaceful lunch watching the lake and listening to the birds. I forgot to bring my camera but I was able to snap a few pics on the phone that didn't turn out too bad.

A pair of ducks swam up to our lookout spot and started quacking up a storm, begging for food.

We didn't fee them of course (I shouldn't even be eating bacon, no way it can be good for a duck), but they were persistent little things and followed us around the water's edge. They were paddling pretty quickly too. For ducks.

They reached the shore and waddle waddled right up to us, quacking and looking cute the entire way.

They stood there for a few minutes after we walked off looking confused and disappointed as to why they didn't get any food. I'm guessing the cute chase-you-down routine generally works for them and convinces people to feed them.

AT

2009-03-13T20:31:00.007-04:00

I've decided to attempt the Appalachian Trail this year instead of putting off til 2011 like I previously said. I was ok with waiting a couple more years to do it when I made that decision, but things kept pointing me in the Trail's direction this year and once I started seriously considering it, everything just sort of fell into place. So 2009 it is.

I have the majority of my gear together and only have a few small odds 'n ends to pick up then I'll be all set to start. I'm planning on beginning the adventure on the 26th of March, so two weeks from today I should be in the woods.

Check out this Wikipedia page to get some good, basic info on it and what it is.

I seem to be getting a lot of the same questions from everyone when I tell them about it, so here are a few of my responses:

Yeah, I'm planning on walking the entire thing...from Georgia to Maine (roughly 2,175 miles, or about 5 million footsteps)

Should take 4-6 months to do it.

I'll be eating mostly dried, just-add-water kind of foods (oatmeal, pasta, etc).

It passes through, or close to, enough towns that I'll only need to carry 3-5 days worth of food at a time. I'll restock food, do laundry, check my mail-drops (friends are mailing me some supplies via post offices) when I get to those towns.

Yup, that means 3-5 days or more between showers too.

There are about 200 shelters that were made for hikers to stay in, but I'll be taking my own setup (hammock, tarp, warm cozy sleeping bag) so I can avoid them for the most part.

When it rains, I'll just get wet. I'm carrying rain-gear, but there's not much that will keep you dry when you're walking in the rain for 4-6 hours at a time.

Nope, not afraid of getting lost at all. There are around 165,000 trail markers (called blazes) along the way to keep you on track. Plus it's extremely well-traveled so the trail is easy to follow.

Apart from a pocket knife and a spork I will not be carrying a weapon. The majority of the AT is on National Park land, where guns aren't allowed anyway.

I actually want to see a bear (hopefully lots of them), and I'm not really too concerned about it. Keep your head and stay calm and everything will be ok.

Same goes for snakes, moose, and other wildlife (including the serial killers and "crazy people just waiting to attack you" that my mother seems to think inhabit the woods).

Yup, had to quit my job. Moving out of the apartment too.

And yeah, it's the craziest thing I've ever done. The scariest too. But that just makes the adventure that much more exciting!

I'll be keeping a journal online so people can keep up with what's going on. I can email my entries using the new toy (the Blackberry) and keep everything updated. There will be places where I won't have a cell signal but overall I'll be able to post pretty regularly. I'll be putting up a link here to the journal and a few other cool things once I get started on the hike.

12 of 12

2009-03-12T12:09:00.001-04:00

I decided to skip 12 of 12 this month. I've just got too many other things going on right now getting ready for my adventure. I'm hoping I can do it from the Trail next month, but there's no way to know now if I'll have access then. We'll see.

Camping

2009-03-01T20:29:00.004-05:00

I went out camping with a friend last night to test out our new hammocks. It's slightly different than a normal hammock setup in that it's made for camping (lightweight, attachs to tree trunks, is insulated, etc.) You tie the hammock between two trees and then hang a tarp over it to protect it from the weather and help keep the wind off of it also, which helps keep the setup warm.

It was rainy and the temps dipped into the 30s, but I was nice and dry inside my hammock. My feet got a bit chilled, but other than that I was decently warm all night long. And it was an extremely comfortable sleep too. Just a gentle swaying in the breeze; almost like being rocked to sleep.

I was kind of hoping to wake up to snow on the ground this morning but it looks like the storm waited til this afternoon to start sputtering. Couple inches on the ground now and it's still falling steadily. Fun fun.

The hammocks set up and ready for sleeping.

A view of the hammock from inside the tarp.

New Toy!

2009-02-25T20:05:00.004-05:00

My new toy arrived today, a Blackberry 8330! I was kind of surprised it came today since I just ordered it yesterday, but that's one thing Verizon's good at. Guess they want you to get their gadgets fast so you can hurry up and get addicted to them and buy more.

I never really had much of a desire to own a Blackberry though. I was actually looking for something that could send & receive email from deep in the woods when someone suggested a smartphone might be the best answer. So I logged into Verizon (they have the best coverage in this area) just to see what options were available. Lo and behold, I was able to upgrade my current phone to the Blackberry at no charge, beyond a small monthly increase in my calling plan of course. I know that's how they sucker you in, but it's cheaper than the other options I was considering. A few mouse clicks and a FedEx package later, I have a new toy to play with.

And my inner geek is beside himself with glee...so shiny...so many buttons...

Rainy Day

2009-02-18T23:26:00.003-05:00

It was raining when I got home from work tonight. It was a typical mountain storm, one that affects everyone but depending on where you are it can be a drastically different experience. It wasn't doing anything at work beyond being a bit windier than normal. But by the time I arrived home, a mere ten miles distant, the rain was falling in almost sideways sheets of water. And within seconds of parking the car the rain suddenly slowed to barely a light shower.

I love rainy days so I was having fun watching the sudden changes. And that's when I noticed the neighbor's car window was rolled down (technically it was the downstairs neighbor's boyfriend's car, but that's not really important). The important fact here is that I suddenly found myself faced with a dilemma.

Do I tell them the car window is down and their car's innards are getting wet?

~or~

Since it appears the rain is stopping, do I go inside and just forget about it?

My first instinct was to tell them, but almost immediately my Super Hermit Reflexes kicked in and told me not to do anything. After all I've never formally met the downstairs neighbor, even though she's lived there for several months now. Our schedules are completely out of sync so we've never had the awkward "Hi, I live upstairs/downstairs/next door...How about that weather" conversation you have when you run into someone while you're taking out the trash. Better to let it go and not get involved. The rain had almost stopped; maybe it wouldn't be so bad. So I unlocked my door, went inside, and found myself immediately racked with guilt.

How would I feel if it were me and I went out in the morning to find not only frost on the windshield, but a nice layer of ice on the seats too? I've sat on frozen seats back when I had the motorcycle in college. Plopping your junk down on a seat covered in a sheet of ice and driving somewhere is not a fun experience. So I went downstairs and knocked on the door to tell them the situation.

No one answered. They were obviously home since her car and her boyfriend's soggy-seated car were both in the parking lot...they must not have heard me knocking, or perhaps they're "preoccupied" doing something sticky that I'd rather not know about. As I was debating whether to knock again or walk away, I heard the faint metallic sound of the door being slowly locked from the inside. Then I saw the not-as-subtle-as-you-think-from-the-inside bending of the blinds that happens when you try to peek out and see who's there. A few muffled voice sounds from inside after that and then nothing, still no answer.

I was being shunned while trying to do a good deed. My first reaction was anger. Here I was trying to help them out and they were trying to play it off like I wasn't even there.

That's when I flashed back to 12 years ago and saw a similar situation unfold in my mind, only this time I was on the inside. I was the one locking the door and "peeking" through the blinds when there was a knock on the door. It was the deepest, darkest point of my own personal Great Depression and I avoided friends, family, and strangers equally. I lost quite a few relationships permanently during that time of my life. Not that the neighbors were going through anything similar; our situations and reasons were obviously very different but I understood their reasoning. Better to hide and hope whoever it is goes away than open the door and deal with it. After all, that had still been my first reaction today too...don't get involved and let their car get soaked inside.

So instead of knocking again and pushing the point, I went back to my place and wrote "Your car window is rolled down" on a post-it note and stuck it on the door. That way I could satisfy my feeling of doing what's right and letting them know about it and I could also respect the privacy they obviously wanted, for whatever reasons they wanted it. I then went upstairs and started my usual nightly routine.

A few minutes later the boyfriend rushed outside, keys in hand, and rolled up his car window.

Inner Peace

2009-02-16T16:38:00.002-05:00

This little list has been around for a while, but I just came across it again recently and I felt the need to pass it along in this small way.

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions, this could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

SOME SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF INNER PEACE

* A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.

* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

* A loss of interest in judging other people.

* A loss of interest in judging self.

* A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

* A loss of interest in conflict.

* A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)

* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

* Frequent attacks of smiling.

* An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.

* An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

WARNING:
If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of inner peace may be so far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed at your own risk.

© 1984 Saskia Davis

12 of 12

2009-02-12T17:51:00.002-05:00

I’ve apparently fallen to a once per month or so posting…that should be changing in the next few weeks and I’ll be posting a lot more. Maybe.

Time for February’s 12 of 12! Many thanks to Chad for creating this cool idea.

Since today also happens to be Abraham Lincoln’s 200th birthday, I thought I’d share my 12 of 12 with him this month and show how he spent his day.

7:58am
Abe gets in the car and heads to work.

9:00am
Abe sends an important fax.

10:30am
Abe is ready to help out in any way he can, just give him a ring.

12:10pm
Abe goes to lunch at Marco’s Italian Restaurant.

12:30pm
Abe finds his soul mate while some weird guy looks on in the background.

12:40pm
Abe slakes his thirst with some refreshing iced tea.

12:55pm
Abe looks forward to the cannoli he’s taking home.

12:56pm
Abe hangs out on some cool artwork at the restaurant.

3:00pm
Abe visits Ford, with much calmer results this time.

3:30pm
Abe takes a much needed break outside.

4:00pm
Abe visits some old friends.

5:00pm
Abe is anxious to walk out the door and get home.

Finally

2009-01-20T14:11:00.001-05:00

12 of 12

2009-01-12T21:31:00.014-05:00

Time for 12 of 12 again. Big thanks to Chad for coming up with the cool concept. On the 12 of the month you take 12 pictures to show how you spent your day. This month's 12th fell on a Monday so most of my pics come from lunch again.

7:45am
Frosty start to the morning at 26ºF

12:00pm
Cool oak trees at work; heading out to lunch.

12:02pm
Apartment building near work. It has a very cool courtyard that I keep meaning to snap a shot of, but never have. Maybe next month.

12:07pm
I have a thing for alleyways, I find them extremely interesting for some reason. This is one in downtown Asheville; afraid I didn't catch the street name.

12:09pm
Turned the corner of the street and saw this interesting dress standing outside. I love the bricks-for-feet action.

12:09pm
A few more steps and you can see the saucy window display in the store selling the dress. I love Asheville.

12:12pm
An empty "Beads and Beyond" cart. I'm sure it would have been loaded with beads if it hadn't been as chilly.

12:15pm
Lunch at the Early Girl Eatery on Wall Street in downtown Asheville. Great food but it was unusually busy this afternoon. I haven't had anything there that I didn't like.

12:35pm
The plant that was directly above our table (taken by my friend Lois). Love the angle on this one.

1:07pm
The "Iron" statue at the corner of Wall Street.

2:00pm
Dessert from Kilwin's Handmade Chocolates. Yeah, it's a chocolate covered Twinkie. I haven't eaten it yet but I'm sure it'll be nasty and delicious all at the same time.

5:12pm
Looking west on I-40 on the way home; almost at my exit. Ugly pavement and road construction, but gorgeous sunset off to the left this evening.

New Year 2009

2009-01-01T17:11:00.005-05:00

It's finally here, 2009. I'm actually looking forward to this year. Apart from turning 40, I have lots planned and hopefully some big things will happen. I didn't really do much to celebrate last night. Stayed home by myself and had a few beers, then watched some crazy guy on TV jump his motorcycle 10 stories straight up (then free-fall on the bike back down).

I'm making a couple of the traditional New Year's "good luck" foods for supper tonight. I have a big pot of black eye peas cooking and plan on boiling some cabbage to go along with it. Collard greens are supposed to be better for luck, but I can't stand the stuff so cabbage will have to do in its place. I keep an eye on my pork intake and try to keep it pretty low so I'm skipping the ham this time, but I put a bit in the peas for seasoning so hopefully that'll work. Gonna need all the good luck and karma I can get my hands on.

2008 Holidays

2008-12-30T00:08:00.005-05:00

Well the 2008 Holidays are almost over; just a couple more days and 2009 will be here and it'll be time to start everything all over again. This year was a bit different than most for the family though. First, I decided that I didn't want any gifts this year. I'm very disillusioned with organized religion and the greed that seems to overcome people this time of year, and decided I didn't want anything to do with it. My parents had already got a few gifts for me but otherwise I asked people not to get me anything. They didn't care for it much, but I'm happy that they respected my beliefs and wishes.

There were also a few absences this year. My sister received the last minute gift of a trip to Alaska to visit her husband's family, so they're spending two weeks in the frozen wonderland of Wasilla, AK (a town made famous earlier this year due to its apparent proximity to Siberia, or some such). I'm very jealous of her right now though, I think of Alaska as a fantasy land of sorts as it's one of the places I would love to move to and live for a while. Snow, huge tracts of open wilderness, glaciers, screwed up days/nights, and icebergs floating in the ocean. It sounds almost perfect.

My oldest nephew, David, was also absent this year. He had to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in the hospital on IVs recovering from mono. Poor kid. It was the first time since he was born that he didn't spend the Eve with my brother too, so that bummed them out even more.

Unfortunately that wasn't the only trip to a hospital either. My youngest niece, Victoria, was attacked by a dog and had to get a few stitches in her cheek because of it. She and the dog had been playing with each other most of the day without incident, but the dog apparently didn't like Vic picking up one of its toys and it suddenly latched on to her head. Thankfully she's fine and doesn't seem to be holding a grudge or fear of dogs from the ordeal, but my sister is more than a bit freaked out by it all and probably will be for a few decades to come.

And to top everything off, my car decided to be finicky too. To the tune of an estimated $4,500 in repair costs. Which aren't going to happen since that's more than the actual worth of the car at this point, so my vehicle situation is a bit spotty right now.

So it's been a rather interesting few weeks. Overall everyone's fine, and that's the important thing. But I'm thinking the new year couldn't get here any sooner.

(Tree in my parents' yard on a foggy Christmas morning)

12 of 12

2008-12-12T18:58:00.010-05:00

Thanks to Chad for the cool "12 of 12" concept. On the 12th of the month you take 12 pictures to show how you spent your day. Go here for bigger versions of the pics.

Chad's recently started a fight with cancer, so it's amazing to me that he's even up to the task of doing this again this month. I've had, and have, my own health issues but the Big C isn't one of them and hopefully never will be. My thoughts and best wishes go out to him.

At any rate, here's how I spent the 12th this month:

7:34 am
Woke up late again this morning. This has been one of those weeks when I've overslept almost almost every day for some reason.

8:17 am
On the way to work. One of the perks of being late for work is that most of the morning traffic has thinned a bit.

12:01 pm
A cool sculpture in a yard near work.

12:08 pm
Lunch at Asheville Pizza & Brewing Company.
Great pizza and amazing micro-brews, although I didn't drink at lunch today...that annoying "go back to work" thing.
Try their "Shiva" beer if you're ever here. It's very tasty.

12:20 pm
A sample of the cool hand-painted walls inside.

12:53 pm
The "Wall of Remote Controls".
I really enjoy the creativity and uniqueness of this place and this town.

1:11 pm
The sundial at the entrance to work, just outside the window to my office.

4:23 pm
The sparsely decorated Holiday Tree in the lobby at work. Huge controversy over its decorations this year, but I won't get into that. Note the crooked pictures and lampshade, and the holiday cards strewn about.

4:46 pm
(Yup, came in late and left early today)
View from my bank's parking lot. This is the last bits of the storm that dumped record snowfall everywhere else but here.

5:17 pm
Stopping by FedEx to drop off some packages.

5:25 pm
Looking back towards Asheville on my way home.
(Ignore the ugly parking lot)

6:03 pm
Leftovers for supper on a Friday night.
Such a glamorous life I lead, no?
It's not the prettiest lasagna I've ever made, but the taste makes up for what it lacks in looks.

Early Thanksgiving

2008-11-23T18:57:00.005-05:00

The family did an early Thanksgiving celebration this weekend since several peoples' schedules were a bit tight this year. So I headed to the parents' house early Saturday afternoon and did the turkey thing.

Had a great time; ate a lot of good Mom-cooked food, and brought back loads of leftovers. It was a quick trip and there was some irritation at my father's attitude (nothing new there), but overall it was a good visit.

I'm a little concerned over my youngest nephew though. He has bad allergies, and something was irritating them this weekend. They gave him some medicine for them, but by the end of the day he was looking pretty rough. His eyes were red and watery, and his head was twitching to one side with almost every he blink of his eyes. He hasn't been to the doctor for those in-depth allergy tests yet, but I hope they take him soon.

Volunteering

2008-11-16T22:11:00.003-05:00

I actually left the apartment and went out this Saturday night. And it was even for a worthy cause too! A friend works part-time at the Western North Carolina AIDS Project (WNCAP), and I volunteered to help out at their 2008 Raise Your Hand Benefit Dinner & Auction. It's an annual event and was held at the Grove Park Inn this year. They had a silent auction that was loaded with cool stuff and then a live auction that they held after dinner.

I helped with some data entry stuff for the auctions at the event and also with the checkout procedures to get all the items to the people who won them. It was a tad chaotic at the end with everyone trying to leave at the same time (and of course the typical computer problems that always happen when you don't need them to) but it was a pretty cool evening. A lot of people showed up and much money was raised. Although I'm not sure how much impact this year's economic fun had on it compared to previous years.

A trip to Denny's and then some margaritas (and maybe a rum & coke or two) (and a few beers) rounded out the night and made for a fun day. 'Course Sunday was spent napping and being lazy.

12 of 12

2008-11-12T17:09:00.006-05:00

Thanks to Chad for the cool 12 of 12 idea. This 12th happened to fall on a weekday so the pics this time may be a bit less than interesting. Also, this ended up being a pretty dreary day here so most of mine were taken during the couple of sunny hours we had around lunchtime here in Asheville. Larger versions of the pics are on my Flickr page here.

7:45am
A dreary autumn morning

8:15am
The house across the street from work that's for sale.

8:30am
My cluttered office (I do my best work amidst chaos)

11:50am
A cool door and handle I spotted on the way to lunch. The doors were at least 10ft high

11:52am
I had lunch at Mela Restaurant off Lexington Avenue in downtown Asheville
(very good Indian cuisine)

11:53am
Another cool door, this one at the entrance to Mela. The pic's a bit blurry so it doesn't reflect how truly awesome the door really is.

12:35pm
One of the many cool hidden alleyways in Asheville.

12:36pm
Looking back towards Lexington Avenue.

12:46pm
A view of Lexington's cool sidewalk.

12:48pm
A side street.

12:56pm
A shot of the Vance Monument and Pack Square, taken from inside the car.

1:02pm
Another blurry one, taken from the moving car as I went by.
Cool art project on one of our underpasses.

Animal Visits

2008-11-10T19:21:00.005-05:00

I was a bit under the weather this past weekend, so I spent most of it around the house doing a lot of napping and being lazy. Not that that's different than my usual weekends, but I at least had an excuse for it this time. The fact that I was sick and slightly feverish at times may have contributed to some of the dreams I had. None of them were particularly odd or anything, but I had quite a few of them and that's unusual for me.

The main theme of my weekend dreams appeared to be animals. There was a family of enormous black bears in one of them. Enormous as in: larger than the size of my car. They weren't doing anything much beyond hanging around the yard, but their size was a bit startling and there was 8-10 of them. Another dream involved a baby goat (a kid?) that I had to walk around on a leash. It was one of those dreams that jumped all over the place and was extremely fractured and odd. The fact that the goat put the leash on itself with its tiny human-like hands should give you an idea of the weirdness factor.

The coolest by far though was the one with Shelbe. I was flying in the dream too, so that made it even better. I was swooping up and down in the sky flying over meadows and around trees, and all the while The Shelbster was running at super speed on the ground beneath me. I'd fly down to pet her and she'd jump up to meet me; we both were having a blast. It's one of the best dreams I've had in a long while and hopefully I'll have it again soon.

November 4

2008-11-04T08:20:00.000-05:00

Hammocks

2008-10-28T23:09:00.005-04:00

I've been reading a lot recently about hammock camping, and it sounds extremely cool. Instead of using a tent for camping in, you hang a hammock and use that as a shelter instead.

The hammock's completely enclosed and is lightweight and portable so it can be used almost anywhere. Once you put a tarp above it, you're protected completely from the elements and it's apparently a much more comfortable sleep than lying on the ground. Since you're not touching the ground you're not limited to flat areas free of roots and rocks or designated camping sites. All you need is two trees and you're set. Here's a set up using a tarp:

(pic courtesy of Wikipedia at the link listed above)

Very cool.

The AT

2008-10-27T22:48:00.003-04:00

I decided this weekend to set a date for my Appalachian Trail attempt. I've been talking a lot about it for a while now and even made a half-hearted attempt a few years back. And I'm using the word "attempt" pretty loosely there, all I really did was claim I was going to do it the following spring and that's as far as anything really went. I did some preliminary planning but there wasn't any follow through with anything and it didn't happen. My typical "I need/want to do it NOW NOW NOW" thought process without actually considering the enormity of what it entailed. It didn't diminish my desire to do it though, it only delayed it a bit.

Shortly after that The Shelbster was diagnosed with diabetes and Cushing's Syndrome, and that effectively postponed the trip for the next two years. The daily shots were bad enough on her, not to mention the periods when she spent days at a time on IVs at the vet. There was no way I could abandon her for 6 months and ask someone else to care for her. She would have loved walking it with me but without her insulin and other care she wouldn't have made it far, and I had no desire to watch her die like that.

I was seriously considering an attempt next Spring but I'm thinking that the health stuff I've had happen this year is more than enough reason to reconsider and wait a bit longer (and it's a good thing that I didn't try it those years ago given my health, I probably wouldn't have survived it). There's no rush on this and I definitely don't need to push myself right now. Slow 'n steady, and all that jazz. The wait will just make me savor it all the more when it finally does happen.

So the date I set this weekend was for the Spring of 2011. It sounds like a long way away, but it's only a little over 2 years from now. One of those annoying things that life teaches is that time really does seem to move a lot quicker on this end of the candle. That old saying that youth is wasted on the young is true. Two years will disappear in a flash.

Weekend Randomness

2008-10-19T23:18:00.006-04:00

Well October's halfway done and another weekend's come to an end. I didn't do anything productive on Saturday; slept in and then stayed at home all day.

This afternoon I went and got my hair cut at one of those cheap strip mall places that only charges $9 a pop. I've never seen the point in spending much more than that for my haircuts since there's not a lot involved in it. "Gimme a #4 blade on the sides and back, then scissor trim the top to blend in". It doesn't take long and it's pretty hard to mess it up.

Plus with the rate my hair's thinning, the scissor portion of it is getting somewhat less time consuming to cut. The stylist today even suggested that I might want to consider shortening it to a #3 blade all over, since that's a good look for men whose hair "is thinning out a lot around the edges like yours is." Thanks for putting it like that, I'm sure I'll hear those words echoing in my dreams. I'm ok with it thinning and have no qualms about being an old bald man one day. Really. It's just hearing it said so matter of factly like that from a complete stranger seemed to make it more real somehow.

After the trim I drove around for a few hours enjoying the clear day and found my way over to the new REI store that opened this weekend. Very cool 2-story store jam packed with outdoor gear and clothing. It was crawling with customers on both floors, but strangely no one was buying anything. They were all milling about the aisles standing in front of all the stuff I wanted to look at, but no one was in the checkout lines. I signed up for some camping gear giveaway (i.e. put my name on a mailing list for snail mail spam) and spent some time ogling the attractive people who were staffing the place but ended up not buying anything either. Very cool store though, if a bit overpriced compared to what I've seen online.

I was hoping they might have some camping hammocks either on display or at least there in the store that I could look at, but all they had were a few traditional tents and accessories. Guess I'll just have to bite the bullet and get one online and hope I like it.

TV Update

2008-10-17T09:37:00.008-04:00

I haven't decided if I'm enjoying this season's TV story lines yet. Some of the shows I watch have been decent so far but others are leaving me a bit bored. And yeah, I realize I watch too much television. But other than the shows listed here I don't really watch anything else beyond a random show on Discovery or Sci-Fi here and there.

Amazing Race: Pretty good so far. They've picked a nice mix of couples to compete, but this show's always been a bit better than most other "reality" shows out there.

Heroes: Meh, it's boring me and I don't care for the character changes they've made. A couple twists isn't so bad, but changing every single person's personality is a bit much. My biggest peeves: Suresh was better as the bumbling scientist instead of a "Fly" ripoff; Sylar was MUCH more interesting as a villain; Peter needs to just disappear for several episodes, I'm tired of him altogether.

Pushing Daisies: Love this show. Quirky characters, weird stories, strange dialog, unusual sets and scenery, and a completely unbelievable premise to base the show on to begin with. It's practically perfect in every way.

Survivor: About what I expect from the show. I don't have many feelings about it yet either way, but it usually takes me about half the season to get involved with many characters anyway.

My Name is Earl: Watched the first 2 episodes (shown back-to-back as the season opener). Haven't seen an episode since, and haven't really missed it. It's not that I stopped liking the show, I record it every week. I just haven't had a desire to watch it.

The Office: Love it. The first couple of episodes were a bit off but the last few have been right on the mark. The best written and acted show on television today.

Grey's Anatomy: I was on the fence about this one after last season; it was getting a bit too preachy for my taste. It hasn't been too bad yet so I'll keep watching for a while. I'm enjoying the burgeoning lesbian love affair between Callie and Erica, but the whole Meredith and Derek thing is old and tiresome, it needs to be resolved soon so they can move to something else.

12 of 12

2008-10-12T21:23:00.005-04:00

"12 of 12" is a cool concept developed by Chad. On the 12th of every month you take 12 pictures to show how you spent your day. I've been meaning to do it for a couple of months now but always forget about it until the 13th. This month it just happened to be the day the family gathered to celebrate my Dad and Sister's birthdays so I already had a reason to snap some pics. (Their birthdays aren't the same day, we just consolidate and have a big gathering).

(Click pics to embiggen)

8:25am. Asheville, NC. My reminder to do "12 of 12" this month.

12:19pm. Black Mountain, NC. On I-40 East heading towards my parent's house for the birthday festivities.

1:11pm. Hickory, NC. Success! Arriving at their house.

1:12pm. Hickory, NC. I'm greeted by my niece, nephew, and mother at the front door.

1:14pm. Hickory, NC. Just in time for way too much mom-cooked food (it was all delicious, Ma).

3:11pm. Hickory, NC. My niece is going as "Belle" from Beauty and the Beast for Halloween this year and had to model the dress for me.

4:00pm. Hickory, NC. We spent most of the afternoon outside since it was a gorgeous Fall day. Here are the kids riding their bikes and big wheels.

5:24pm. Hickory, NC. It's become a family tradition to have balloons at every birthday gathering, and at some point before the day is over we go outside and release them into the sky and watch as they float away. I had the white one this time.

6:16pm. Hickory, NC. Mom's flowers are still looking pretty good. They probably only have a few more weeks before the cold weather gets them though.

6:23pm. Hickory, NC. Taken by my 4½ year old niece. She has a good eye for detail.

6:36pm. Hickory, NC. Sun's starting to set, almost time to go home.

7:17pm. Morganton, NC (or thereabouts). On I-40 West headed back home. Not a bad day at all.

Another Dream

2008-10-05T09:27:00.004-04:00

I've been having this odd recurring dream for the last few weeks. I don't have it every night but it keeps popping up every few days. It happened again last night.

In it I'm walking along a dirt path about the width of a road, and there are puddles of water scattered around it. The puddles are pretty big but they're not very deep. I go from one to another and I kneel down and place my right hand in the water for a few minutes. The heat from my hand warms the water enough to purify it somehow. I usually only do one puddle per dream so it ends as I'm standing up and getting ready to move on to the next. It's a very cool dream and I always wake up feeling good after I have one.

Last night's was a tad different. I warmed a puddle and moved to the side of the path to do another, only this one's water was almost dried up and was a milky stagnant color. There was only enough water to get my fingers wet in it, and it wouldn't heat up. I'll have to try to remember it's a dream the next time it happens and see if I can look around a bit.

Max Patch

2008-10-04T17:04:00.005-04:00

I went on a bit of an outing this morning. A friend and I drove up to Max Patch. It was my first time on a "bald" (grass-covered treeless peak) and also my first time setting foot on the Appalachian Trail, but it will not be my last.

The place is simply stunning. A complete 360° view from the top, and the morning was crystal clear and crisp and that made the view even better. It's been described as a "Sound of Music" type place and that fits it perfectly. A twirling Julie Andrews singing to the hills would not have been out of place at all.

The pics I took of the trip can be found here.

Anyone who is ever close to it should definitely take the time to stop and see it. The parking area is at the base of the bald and it's just a short walk to the top; not strenuous by any means. I can't wait to go back.

Trashy Neighbors

2008-10-01T16:30:00.003-04:00

I seem to be attracting the worst neighbors. The younger girl who lives next to me is at it again. She's had trash piled up outside her front door for about a week now. There's so much of it this time that several bags have toppled down her steps. I haven't seen her car parked in the lot since she put it there. And the nice clean, empty dumpster is mere yards away.

At least the woman who moved in below me seems to be fairly normal and quiet. So far.

Pisgah

2008-09-21T10:49:00.005-04:00

I went hiking up to the top of Mt. Pisgah early yesterday afternoon. The sign at the trailhead says it's "steep in spots" which, in my opinion, is a gross understatement. Most of the trail books I've seen list it as a "moderate" hike but the rockiness of the path, especially near the summit, makes it a bit tougher than average.

The almost 360° view from the top is well worth it though, and yesterday was a nice crisp day which made for some spectacular shots. There's a radio/tv tower that blocks part of the view and an observation platform at the top which ends up being a nice little social area for people to chit-chat after the climb.

The trees are starting to change a bit at that elevation, hopefully it'll be a nice leaf year.

Dreaming

2008-09-10T09:15:00.005-04:00

I rarely remember my dreams, so I've started trying to record the ones that happen to still be in my memory when I wake up. One of those happened last night. It's not a particularly odd and/or disturbing one this time.

I was with a friend (I don’t know which one) in what felt like a courtroom type of setting. It wasn’t an actual courtroom, but there was a definite feel of my side vs. their side type of thing going on. I was on one side of the room with my friend (it feels like my sister?) and she was arguing about something with a woman and man on the “other side” of the room.

My sister (it’s definitely her, I can tell that now) has just said something about religion and marriage and the woman is responding to her. That’s when I chime in with my opinion. I don’t remember the specifics of everything that’s being said, but the woman says something about Jesus not renewing someone’s marriage, thus proving her point (don’t know what her point was or if the “renewing” thing is in the Bible anywhere). My response has something to do with “reality” and how it’s perceived differently by everyone, which silences the woman and proves her wrong somehow.

I wake up.

It's pretty easy to connect things to the waking world in this one:

I've recently been called for jury duty (I go the end of this month), so there's the courtroom, us vs. them thing.

I began reviewing our Policy Manual at work yesterday and found several inconsistencies concerning our equal opportunity and discrimination policies. And I have a history of pointing out religious overtones in the workplace with Human Resources. So the equal rights/keep religious opinion to yourself thing is fresh on my mind. It also reinforces the us vs. them image of the room I was in.

I also began re-reading a book on Toltec Wisdom last night, and the chapter I read concerned how we all live in our own reality and have others’ realities pushed onto us from the time we’re born. What we choose to accept and add to our own reality depends on us and no one else. I’ve started the book before but never finished it as it didn’t seem to do anything for me.

Pretty cool how the mind sorts everything out and puts it all into a nice little sketch for me to act out while I'm asleep.

Walkin

2008-09-03T21:06:00.003-04:00

I did something today that I haven't done in over a year: I went walking in the woods. I scanned through my pics on Flickr and it looks like the last time I did that was back on July 13 of last year (I went down to Brevard with a friend and walked around looking at waterfalls and possible camping spots). I went camping almost a year ago today, but after that I pretty much stopped going outside completely.

I went to the Blue Ridge Parkway today and stopped at the French Broad River Bridge and walked north on the Mountains to Sea Trail. I ended up out there for about 35 minutes. It was nice to be in the woods again.

Labor Day Hermit

2008-09-01T19:50:00.003-04:00

Labor Day Weekend 2008 has come and gone, and how did I spend it? I spent about 30 minutes on Saturday to at the grocery store and then did the same today, otherwise I went through the entire 3 days sealed away inside the apartment.

I didn't even set foot outside at all on Sunday.

I keep doing this; pulling farther and farther into myself and avoiding contact with everyone. Am I really that scared of everything?

Treefall

2008-08-28T08:56:00.004-04:00

The remnants of Hurricane Fay have been rolling through here for the last 2 days and they've dumped a huge load of rainfall on us. We've been in bad drought conditions for a few years now so we need all the rain we can get, but this much this fast is starting to cause a few problems.

Last night around 9:00pm I heard a loud crash from outside and knew that another tree had fallen. Sure enough, the large tree that's been leaning badly for years now came crashing down. Luckily it didn't hit any of the apartment buildings, people, or cars but it has managed to block off the lower parking lot.

Some guys were here about 30 minutes ago with a chainsaw, but they left soon afterwards without doing anything noticeable. I think they may have underestimated the size of the tree and have hopefully gone to get something bigger than the single, small chainsaw they brought.

Update:
The guys finally got the tree "cleared" around noon. They had to call in some local guys with longer, more powerful chainsaws to cut through the trunk. They got it sliced up and rolled out of the driveway so we can get in and out. 'Course they didn't clear it away or anything, this is Candler after all. I predict it'll be here for at least another month before they do anything else.

The Mondays

2008-08-25T22:24:00.002-04:00

Today was a bad day. Not because of anything that happened though, it was basically my attitude that made the day suck. I woke up this morning and did not want to be around anyone. I wanted to be left alone and not interact with people whatsoever. And I can't think of any particular reason for it either; it was just one of those days. I didn't want to speak to anyone; I didn't want to deal with anything; I wanted to sit at home and be pissy about everything and nothing.

But of course it was a Monday, and the weekly meeting I have to sit through at 9:00am ran longer than normal. Sitting in a hot, stuffy room listening to people drone on about things that have absolutely nothing to do with my job for 2 hours didn't really improve my mood much either. And it only got worse from there.

By the end of the day I had exhausted everything I could find to complain about and started getting mad at myself for being so pissy to begin with and ruining my day.

Of course now that the day's over I can see how silly it all was, and if I'd only made myself change my attitude first thing this morning I would have had a much nicer day. I'll try that next time, but every now and then it feels kind of good to have a pissy day. Gets it out of my system in one big burst.

A Week Ago

2008-08-22T14:39:00.004-04:00

Well it’s been a week now since I lost the Shelbster, and I’m slowly adjusting to her not being there. I don’t think you truly realize how much a part of your life your pet is until they’re not there anymore. I find myself still talking to her like I used to do and I still expect to see her sitting in her favorite spots around the house when I turn around or enter a room. I haven’t collected up her stuff and packed it away yet (toys, bowls, leash, etc.) since I’m not quite ready to remove her completely from the place. Like everything else the time for that will come when it comes, and I’m not in a hurry for it to happen yet.

The biggest adjustment so far has been going to sleep at night. She always slept in the bed, so suddenly not having her there after 10 years has caused a bit of insomnia. Plus she always had to be touching me if she could, even if it was barely making contact at my feet. It comforted her and let her sleep better, and apparently it did the same for me too since I’ve found that I have problems going to sleep without it. I’ve co-opted a pillow from the couch to give me a physical “presence” in the bed, and it’s helped a lot, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a while before I really get used to an empty bed again.

My family and friends have been very supportive through it all since they know how big a part of me she was, and that’s helped quite a bit. I even got a nice card (hand-signed with well wishes) from the vet’s office early this week and it’s helped a lot as well.

This may sound odd as I’ve experienced the loss of loved ones before, but losing Shelbe has really made me realize how permanent death is and how quickly it happens. It’s not that I didn’t know that before now or that I’m saying her death was somehow more meaningful or important than anyone else’s. I think the difference for me now is that I’ve seen it happen. I held her head and watched as she was there one second, and the next she was gone forever. It wasn’t some big cosmic event with dramatic music playing or anything, it was simply a tiny instant in time when everything from her perspective and everything she was a part of simply ended. And that realization is having a rather profound effect on me.

Shelbe

2008-08-14T23:57:00.005-04:00

“To own a dog is to know that one day, you will cry.” I read that quote once a long time ago and it describes perfectly the day I’ve just had. I don’t remember who said it, so I don’t know whom to give credit for it, but the truth in those few words hit me hard and often all day today.

For the last week or so Shelbe’s energy levels have been dropping and her appetite coming and going. Then on Sunday she stopped eating altogether and I noticed her breathing getting heavier. I took her to the vet on Monday and she spent the remainder of the week there. Her pancreas had basically shut down and her body was starting to get thrown out of whack because of it. The vet called me this morning and told me the situation, and I made The Decision. I scheduled the appointment later in the afternoon, and then went to be with her at the end.

After all she’s been through in the last two years I knew this time was coming, but that didn’t make any of it easier. But once they brought her into the room I knew The Decision was the right one. Her breathing was very labored and wheezing, and she barely had enough energy to hold up her head. I could tell she didn’t really know where she was or what was going on, but there was a glint of recognition in her eyes when she saw me, and I knew that she realized I was there with her. She laid her head in my hands and I scratched that special spot on her ear until she breathed out for the final time.

There have been a number of nicknames I’ve given Shelbe over the last decade (Shelbster, Shelbe-Dog, Baby Doll, Pretty Girl, Shelllbeee [said in a high-pitched droning voice], Shelbe-Lynn, Lil' Miss Shelbe-Dog, just to name a few), but the one I liked and used the most often was “Shelbe-Dog”. It rolled off the tongue easily and it always sent her tail into a wagging frenzy.

Thank you Shelbe-Dog, for the 10 years of life that you gracefully shared with me. Thank you for showing me the true meaning of unconditional love and happiness every day when I walked in the front door. Thank you for listening patiently to my rants, for making me laugh when I needed it, and for catching my tears without judgment when they fell.

Good night Shelbe-Dog. I’m going to miss you.
March 7, 1998 - August 14, 2008

An Anniversary, of Sorts

2008-08-08T22:37:00.006-04:00

6 months ago today I was in the hospital. I was spending my 2nd evening there after being admitted hurriedly following a visit to the cardiologist for chest pains. I’d spent that day and the afternoon before speaking to numerous doctors, having all kinds of tests done, and eating some rather bland food (low salt, low fat). After all the doc conversations and tests, a diagnosis was reached and I was to be sent home the following day so we could start putting the plans to fix things into motion. Things like angioplasties & stents, MRIs & CAT scans, aneurysms & occluded arteries. And of course the possibility of more serious surgeries later in life when things get worse, which inevitably for me they will. And a lot of what was decided has already happened in the 6 months since then.

I’d like to say I lay there that night pondering deep meaningful things like life, health, and family. You know, the types of things you’re supposed to contemplate when a life-altering event happens and you come face-to-face with your own mortality. But I just don’t think like that, and don’t remember ever thinking that way. I spend my time disconnected from reality and everyone around me. It’s like I’m slightly out of phase with the rest of the world. Things happen to my body and in my life, but I’m not really there feeling any of it.

So instead of meditating on life and its meanings, I lay there with my mind a blank. I didn’t set new goals for myself and start myself down a path of renewed spirits, I was frustrated by the poor sound quality of the TV speakers in the room and pissed that there was nothing good to watch on a Friday night.

And here I sit half a year later on another Friday night. There’s still nothing good to watch on TV and I’m still floating around aimlessly as life happens to everyone else.

At least the sound quality’s a bit better though.

Wanna Feel Old?

2008-07-30T18:06:00.005-04:00

Remember when this Nirvana album came out, way back in 1991?

Well here's that cute little baby now, age 17. And here's a link to a recent news article about him in case you want more info.

Where does the time go?

(pics courtesy of www.npr.org)

Screaming

2008-07-12T18:38:00.007-04:00

Had an interesting morning today. I had the windows and patio door open enjoying the cool morning air when I heard this creepy, almost human screaming coming from outside. I've heard this sound before, but it's always been late at night when I'm out walking Shelbe and it's always been a lot further away. This time it sounded like it was right outside.

So I grabbed the camera and recorded a quick video of the sounds. You can't see anything in the video except the neighbor's back yard, but you can hear the sound quite clearly. It was echoing through the entire neighborhood so it was hard to ignore. It even had the local wildlife a bit upset; you can hear the sounds of the birds and several dogs going crazy in the background. Around the 0:10 and 0:58 sec marks you can hear The Shelbster grunt out a little bark too.

I checked around online a few weeks ago and I'm pretty sure it's the sound of a red fox screaming.

Shelbster

2008-07-09T20:10:00.005-04:00

Figure it's time for an update on The Shelbster. Overall she still seems to be doing ok. Especially for a dog who was diagnosed with Cushing's Disease and diabetes almost 2 years ago. When I took her to the vet initially, he didn't think she'd survive the weekend since she had an extreme case of ketoacidosis from the unregulated diabetes. The worst case he'd ever seen, actually, and he had already given me the "talk" about making a hard decision that night. She pulled through it though and is still kicking. She's a tough little dog.

I have been noticing a few things with her lately however. Her appetite wavers occasionally, she'll have low blood-sugar from time to time (and all the fun symptoms that go with that), and she's started dragging her right hind-leg a bit when she walks. When I got home from work this afternoon she appeared to be having some problems with that leg and putting her full weight on it. After a few minutes of walking around it seemed to clear up though and appears to be fine now. Weakness in the hind-legs is a symptom of Cushing's though, so that combined with her arthritis may be what's causing her problems.

After discussing everything with the vet, loads of online research, and long hours of internal debating, I opted to leave the Cushing's untreated in her. And I don't regret that decision at all. Given her medical history and health at the time, that was the only choice I could make.

She has good days and not so good days, but the good ones far outnumber the bad and overall she seems to be doing as well as can be expected. And hopefully that'll continue for a long time.

[EDIT (12pm): All of the above is true, but I can't get the feeling out of my head that something's wrong. There haven't been any big warning signs, just little things like dragging her foot, so I shouldn't be concerned. Yet I am. I'm convinced she only has at most, days left. Why do I always look for the absolute worst possible outcome in everything?]

Books

2008-07-07T19:12:00.002-04:00

I stopped by the bookstore after work today and picked two new ones...Ray Raphael's "Founding Myths", a book about the real stories behind some of our most famous tales from the Revolutionary War, and a book containing Thoreau's "Walden" and "Civil Disobedience", neither of which I've ever read. I can't believe it's taken me almost 40 years to get around to "Walden", and the "Founding Myths" book looks extremely interesting.

Big decisions to be made in the next few weeks. I'm hoping to get lost in these two books for a while to help me clear my head and make the right choices.

Catching Up

2008-07-02T15:00:00.005-04:00

Yeah the updates have been spotty and I haven’t been here much. I’d like to say I’ve been busy outside enjoying the nice summer weather, but that’s not even remotely the case. The real reason is pure laziness. Maybe I’ll do better and keep things moving at a better pace.

MRI Results 1: My brain looks normal. Cool, I’m ok (but damn it, was hoping for a medical excuse for my lazy attitude and lack of goals). Diagnosis: get off my ass and stop looking for excuses.

MRI Results 2: I have an almost complete occlusion of my left subclavian artery with some retrograde flow, possibly from capillary feed and my left vertebral artery. Translation: the artery in my left arm is almost completely blocked off; there is some blood flow through other vessels, but not much. That’s why my left arm gets “tired” after 15-20mins of constant use and is weaker than my right. All of which I’ve known about since I was 12. Diagnosis: there isn’t much to be done unless it gets worse; then it will involve taking a piece of "extra" vein from my leg and using it in my shoulder to bypass the blockage.

The vascular surgeon was very cool and talked to me like a real, live person instead of an interesting case study. Plus, he’s a decent amateur photographer with some really cool shots of his hiking treks on his office walls.

It’s been chilly (in the 40s this morning, in June!) and raining a lot lately. I love it.

The annoyingly loud downstairs neighbors have finally moved out! Hopefully some sweet little old lady who doesn’t own a stereo capable of shaking the building at 7 o’clock on a Sunday morning will move in now.

I found out indirectly that my services will no longer be needed. Sucks that I wasn’t given the courtesy of being told directly, or even told why for that matter, but I had a feeling something was amiss from our interactions (or lack thereof). On the up side, large chunks of my free time are my own again and I don’t have to worry about holding my tongue about certain subjects anymore.

I finally saw “Iron Man” at the theatre. Holy shit, what a good movie. Much better than I ever expected it to be, especially since I don’ really care for Robert Downey Jr. By far the best movie I've seen at the theatre in a very long time.

Wonder if I'll find something to post tomorrow or if it'll be another week or so.

MRI

2008-06-24T13:21:00.003-04:00

The MRIs I had originally scheduled on Friday of last week were postponed until yesterday. Apparently the machine I was supposed to be in would have messed with the stents (could have potentially moved them magnetically) so they had to put me in a different one. So it all went down yesterday instead.

I had two of them done, one to look at my brain and the other to look at the blood vessels in my neck. They wanted to check any kind of vessel narrowing and/or aneurysms that might be present. The whole procedure involved being inside the machine pictured below for 45 minutes to an hour. That looks like the exact model I was in, complete with the basket looking thing around my head to lock it in place. I'm very glad that I'm not claustrophobic because that little tube they slide you in is extremely cozy. I had a slight reaction to the contrast material they used (slight nausea and come chest tightness) but otherwise the procedure wasn't too bad.

I should hear from the doc in a day or two with the results. Hopefully it won't be too bad.

Doc Visit

2008-06-16T21:12:00.003-04:00

Went to the doctor last week for a quick check-up. I was hoping to get some good stuff to take for the gout attack I’ve had for a week now, and wanted to talk to them about a few other things that have been happening. They gave me colchicine for the gout, which seems to have helped. I think it’s probably the most potent (legal) drug I’ve ever taken. The dosage instructions from the doc were: “Take 1 tablet every 1-2 hours until pain subsides or you get sick”. Colchicine not only helps alleviate gout but it’s also a pretty strong poison, so once you start showing signs of being ill (vomiting, nausea, the runs, etc.) you’d better stop taking it. The digoxin I took as a kid had some pretty dire effects if you took too much, but I think the colchicine is the first thing I’ve had with “death” in the list of possible overdose effects. It may have helped with the pain, but I think beaching myself on the couch and elevating the foot for 2 days helped out a bit too.

The other stuff I talked to them about had them a bit more worried though. I’ve been having more migraines lately, and they’ve started coming in clusters. I’ve typically had them one at a time and then they go away for a month or so. Lately though, they come back several days in a row. Also, I’ve had some numbness in my fingers first thing in the mornings and my left arm has been giving me some problems too. The fingers are a mystery to me, but the left arm isn’t. I’ve known since I was a kid that the main artery in my left arm is almost completely blocked (occluded, as the docs say). When I was younger, if I used the arm for 10-15mins it would start to weaken and get tired from the reduced blood flow. Over time my body adjusted though (increased capillary flow, higher blood pressure to carry blood through the occlusion, etc) and I haven’t had many problems with it in several years. Until recently.

The answer to all of it so far is, of course, more tests. I go in Friday afternoon for a series of MRIs on my brain, neck, and possibly my left arm. They want to check the blood flow and make sure there’s not some nasty occlusion or aneurysm lurking around in there somewhere causing everything. Should be a fun week.

Stuff

2008-06-11T09:32:00.002-04:00

In the midst of a gout attack this morning and I'm taking the day off. This is the first real attack I've had in a while; the previous couple that I've had didn't involve a lot of pain and my foot didn't swell much. This one's excruciating and my left foot's swollen so much that I can't put a shoe on. Yesterday wasn't so bad, but it flared up big time last night and is bad this morning.

Anyway, I have the day off and finally updated some stuff. I went to my parents' house this past weekend for our Birthday Celebration. 5 of us all had birthdays in the last month (and 2 wedding anniversaries) so we got the family together and celebrated everything. Posted a few pics over on Flickr, but not many came out well. My camera's never taken good indoor photos, and lately they seem to be getting worse. Guess it's time for a new camera.

Entertain Me

2008-06-01T08:36:00.003-04:00

I went to see The Strangers last night with a friend. Definitely not the best horror flick I've ever seen, but it was a fun movie to watch nonetheless. I knew going in that it wasn't going to be a heart-pounding kind of scary (for me anyway), but I went hoping the audience would at least be jumpy and entertain me. I wasn't disappointed...the theater was full of teenage girls so there was lots of screaming at all the scripted times (whenever there was a loud noise, when someone appeared in the background, etc.). The two girls directly in front of us were some of the worst screamers. They were annoyed at those of us who were laughing, but kept on screaming when cued. All in all a fun trip to the theater, but only because of the audience and not because of the movie.

I got back early in the evening and decided to begin watching what I predict to be my next addiction: Battlestar Galactica. You'd think that I'd have been all over this series from the second it aired, but for a host of unrelated reasons and bad timing I never was able to catch the beginning. It's been in my NetFlix line-up for a while but I hadn't got around to starting it until recently (was busy watching Deadwood, Weeds, Rescue Me, Queer as Folk, etc.). I made it through the mini-series last night am definitely hooked. I'll get started on the regular series today, and with my impressively sad TV watching ability, will probably be through all the shows in a few weeks. Hopefully I'll enjoy it as much as I think I will.

Fraternal Time

2008-05-29T13:07:00.007-04:00

I had supper with my brother and sister-in-law last night. He's off on Wednesdays so they decided to drive up and visit the Biltmore House for the afternoon. They missed the prime blooming time for the spring gardens by a couple weeks, but there were still loads of flowers and plants blossoming so they still got to see oodles of nifty colors.

I met up with them at TGI Friday's since there's one nearby and we had a good time socializing. They have mentioned the possibility of moving to the Asheville area at some point in the near future so I think they were doing a bit of a scouting trip too. I think it would be cool to have them here, if they do eventually move up the mountain. I've never lived in the same city as a family member (not as an adult), so it would be kind of weird having a relative that close by. And I mean weird in a good way. It would be nice to be able to spend more time with them and my niece and nephew.

39

2008-05-26T22:46:00.006-04:00

I've been 39 for a couple of days now and can't say I feel any changes from being 38. 'Course it doesn't usually sink in that I've had a birthday until the first time I have to answer the "How old are you?" question. And I've done this enough times to know that you don't magically feel differently just because a particular day of the year came and went.

At least not after you pass 25 or so. Younger than that and each birthday seems special somehow. I think it's because there are so many milestones when you're younger: starting school, hitting double digits, becoming a teenager, driving, high school, etc. After you hit 25 the only thing that's left is just endless years of aging; all the fun stuff's already happened. At least from the perspective of someone under 25, obviously.

I suppose I need to make this year memorable somehow though, as it's my final year in my 30's. I'll see what I can come up with.

Forgotten

2008-05-15T14:30:00.004-04:00

We're having a staff meeting tomorrow at work, and they just sent around the notice for it a bit ago. It's one of those mandatory things that all employees have to attend, so you know it's going to be boring and probably be about something that's either going to be bureaucratic bullshit or some kind of policy change that is sure to upset someone. It's split up into 2 meetings to make the groups smaller, and is scheduled first thing in the morning.

I'm not listed on the schedule for either meeting. The lady who organized the meetings and sent out the memos about them said she forgot to put me on the list, but I'm free to attend either one I choose. Now normally I wouldn't really care about it; I'd make a joke or two about not having to go since my name wasn't on the schedule, and then forget about it. But this isn't the first time she's "forgotten" to include me in staff-related notices. It's not the 2nd time either. It's starting to become a pattern with her, and I'm beginning to worry about it. I'm probably overreacting about nothing, but I'm wondering if she has some kind of problem with me and is doing it on purpose.

I hate work drama.

Things I've done

2008-05-14T09:06:00.005-04:00

I don't really have much going on right now and not a lot to talk about. So here's a list of stuff I saw on another blog.

In bold are things that I've done.
In italics are things I want to do.

Bought everyone in the pub/bar a drink
Climbed a mountain
Held a tarantula
Taken a candlelit bath with someone
Been in love
Broken someone's heart
Had my heart broken
Done a striptease
Bungee jumped
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
Seen the Northern Lights
Gone to a huge sports game
Grown and eaten my own vegetables
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby's diaper
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Watched a meteor shower
Gotten drunk on champagne
Given money to charity
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Had a food fight
Bet on a winning horse
Taken a sick day when I wasn't ill
Had a snowball fight
Photocopied my butt or any other intimate body part
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping
Taken an ice cold shower
Seen a total eclipse
Ridden a roller coaster
Hit a home run
Been arrested
Visited all 50 states
Taken care of someone who was shit faced
Stolen a street/highway sign
Backpacked in Europe
Taken a road-trip
Taken a midnight walk on the beach
Gone sky diving
Milked a cow
Alphabetized my records/CDs
Sung karaoke
Lounged around in bed all day
Gone scuba diving
Danced in the rain
Gone to a drive-in theater
Started a business
Gotten married
Been in a movie
Crashed a party
Gotten divorced
Had sex at the office
Made cookies from scratch
Gotten a tattoo
Been on television
Had sex a public place
Got so drunk I don't remember anything
Recorded music
Had a one-night stand
Bought a house
Shaved or waxed off my pubic hair
Been on a cruise ship
Spoken more than one language fluently
Bounced a check
Called or written my Congressperson
Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
Sung loudly by myself in the car
Written articles for a large publication
Piloted an airplane
Helped an animal give birth
Been fired or laid off from a job
Won money on a TV game show
Broken a bone
Ridden a motorcycle
Had a body part below the neck pierced
Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
Ridden a horse
Had major surgery
Had sex on a moving train
Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
Visited all 7 continents
Eaten sushi
Had my picture in the newspaper
Parasailed
Changed my name
Dyed my hair
Been a DJ

Blackberry Winter

2008-05-11T23:18:00.011-04:00

The blackberries are starting to bloom again. And conveniently we're getting a nice little cold snap rolling through the area. It's dipping into the mid 40s this evening and low 40s tomorrow, which is a bit chilly for us this time of year. Especially since we've had a few weeks of temps in the 50s and 60s at night already.

This is what my granny always referred to as Blackberry Winter. Every year around the early part of May, the blackberry bushes start to bloom and we get a final bout of chilly weather before the temperatures begin to stay warmer at night. It usually happens after a few weeks of mild weather and the trees have started budding. She'd say it in that matter-of-fact tone that grandparents have when they're passing on ancient wisdom from generations before, and then give a little nod of her head. "It must be Blackberry Winter. It'll get warm and stay warm now."

It meant that the woods around my grandparents' house were soon to transform into a sea of white blossoms for the next few weeks. And then in a few months time, a gaggle of grandkids would be stomping through the trees towards Blackberry Kingdom and Blackberry Palace (our nicknames for the two huge patches of blackberry bushes near their house) to pick bowl after bowl of fresh berries for use in granny's homemade blackberry pies.

It's not foolproof weather prediction, obviously, and I never quite acquired a taste for blackberries or her blackberry pies (although everyone else in the family raved over them). But it did make me like this time of the year. The cold weather and long winter nights are finally over. Things will get warmer now.

Kids

2008-05-08T16:00:00.007-04:00

This picture is from Chester, South Carolina and was taken in the year 1908. It's from one of my favorite sites in the web, Shorpy.com. The site has pics dating back into the early 1800s and the quality of most of them is simply amazing.

I look at pictures like this and get drawn into the people and their surroundings and try to imagine what their lives must have been like. And not just for the instant in time when the snapshot was taken. The children below have all more than likely lived out their entire lives and moved on to whatever comes next. They were probably approaching the ends of their lives when I was just starting mine. I find that incredibly interesting.

(Click to make bigger)

It makes me wonder what people are going to think in 2108 when they look back at some of the photos on sites like Flickr.

Nostalgia

2008-05-06T20:43:00.003-04:00

Came across this clip on Youtube a couple weeks ago and I keep going back and watching it every few days. I spent every Saturday morning glued to the television beside my brother and sister watching cartoons, and this was my all-time favorite. Still is.

My brother got me a Superfriends t-shirt for the December Holidays, and I absolutely love it. I 'm afraid to wear it because I know I'll spill something on it within a few seconds of putting it on.

Anger Holes

2008-05-05T20:30:00.003-04:00

I was just on the phone with a customer service rep. One of those people you call and have to rattle off a 10-digit account number, a phone number, address, cock size, and last 4 of your social to “for confirmation” that I am who I was claiming to be. The call didn’t go too well since I was complaining to them about my service, and instead of listening to what I was trying to say they were very good at parroting obscure lines from their EULA back to me. While I was right about what I was saying, the whole situation was completely my fault as I did something a few weeks ago that led to today’s problem.

The customer service and what happened to cause it isn’t really important though. The big problem here is that it made me angry. I was in a blind, seething rage. My face and upper body turned red from the blood pumping so hard (I was literally “seeing red”); my hands and voice were shaking with anger; I even started sweating and could feel the heat pouring off my face. All over a situation that wasn’t really important to begin with and in the end, was my fault and not the poor customer service person unlucky enough to answer my call.

I’ve always had a bad temper though; it runs in the family. My brother and sister have bad ones too, and both my parents’ tempers are legendary. One of the few images that I can clearly recall from growing up is of my father hurling a skateboard out a 2nd floor window because he was mad at us kids. It’s among the scariest (and saddest) memories of my childhood. Yet here I am 25 years later doing the same thing…losing my temper at the drop of a hat over piddling little things. I didn’t toss anything out the window, but I probably would have if I’d thought of it.

It’s not something I’m proud of and I know I’m as much to blame as any genetic inclination that may factor into the deal. I’ve never been good at dealing with my emotions. As a child I felt everything acutely. Emotions were physical presences for me, they came from my core and I could feel them pulsing inside as they bubbled to the surface. But as I got older and and my emotions started getting stronger, I ran from what I was feeling. Instead of dealing with it and allowing myself to grow through the pain and disillusionment, I locked my emotions away and began isolating myself from everyone and everything around me. I put up my shields and built my barriers, then quietly found a nice dark corner and settled in. I’ve been doing it for so long that there are times when I don’t know if I can feel anything anymore. Not much seems like it’s really happening; whole weeks go by with me on auto-pilot just going through the motions.

But every now and then that all-powerful rage comes blasting through my defenses. And while I know it’s not a good thing to have all that anger bottled up inside or have it explode out of me like it did earlier on the phone…maybe, just maybe, the hole it blew through my walls will stay open this time and some of my other emotions will come out. Perhaps I should tear down a few of them this time and move a little closer. It would be nice to feel something real again.

Still Here

2008-05-02T09:18:00.004-04:00

Well, I survived the stent surgery. I'm still pretty sore so I'm taking another day off work to heal up a bit more before driving much and sitting upright in a chair for hours on end.

One of the balloons burst and partially deployed the stent during the procedure (which then got stuck in the blood vessel in the wrong spot) so they had to go into another artery in my left leg and pull it out from the opposite direction. Apparently this second incision was a bit more invasive than the one in my right leg so it's extremely sore and turning a nice purplish color as it bruises up. Because of that the procedure took about 3½ hours instead of the usual 1 hour or so. I'm on blood thinners to keep the stents from forming clots so later that evening when I was finally allowed to stand up, one of the incision spots started bleeding and I got to spend the night flat on my back trying not to move my legs much, and having vitals taken every 1-2 hours.

Other than that though, everything went well. I'm scheduled for a quick follow-up visit next week and then another in 2-3 weeks. Hopefully the stents will make as big a difference as they're thinking and I can lower some of the meds I'm taking. But even if that doesn't happen, my kidneys are at least getting normal blood flow again and I'm not in danger of going into kidney failure without warning. So all this fun has been worth it.

It's Showtime

2008-04-28T23:48:00.003-04:00

It's time to get my renal stents and angioplasties done, so under the knife I go in the morning. It's a fairly routine procedure that they do all the time in hospitals across the world, so I'm not worried about it. Complications are extremely rare for renal stents, and death only occurs in less than 1% of patients. I don't anticipate anything bad happening at all and fully expect to be at work on Friday after the "recovery" period. I'm honestly not expecting anything out of the ordinary happening.

But just to show how my mind works: I've been singing Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" all night.

So just in case the universe decides to have a little fun and lets me be that one person who gets to be a statistic...it's almost been kinda fun with all you people. In the words of the immortal (literally) Bilbo Baggins: "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

Quitter

2008-04-24T10:17:00.003-04:00

Today is the 2-year anniversary for me being cigarette free. As my brand of choice was Camel Ultra-Lights (hard pack), at a pack a day, that calculates out to:

14,600 cigarettes I didn’t smoke
$2,190 saved (conservative estimate using $3 per pack)
5,840 mg of nicotine not entering my lungs
73,000 mg of tar not entering my lungs
102,200 mg of carbon monoxide not entering my lungs

Lighting up has become a vague memory at this point and it’s not really something that I think about much anymore. It’s been on my mind more than normal recently as this date has been approaching. And of course all the doctors and nurses at each visit I’ve made ask if I smoke so that’s kept it in my mind a bit more as well.

All of the above being said, I still miss smoking quite a bit. Yes I’m healthier for quitting. Yes it’s a nasty habit and the leading cause of all kinds of statistics. But damn it all was it fantastic! Being able to light up and get a fix any time of the day? More of that please. Before pulling the plug, stick a cigarette in my mouth and fire it up. If that doesn’t bring me out of the coma then I’m a goner and you can safely disconnect the machines.

Smoke ‘em and enjoy ‘em today. Have an extra one for me.

I Want

2008-04-10T11:21:00.026-04:00

I want to move to a big city and start a brand new life. I'll meet that special someone and be in a long-term, loving relationship. I'll work in a job that I enjoy and eventually buy an upscale condo in a decent neighborhood, and one day a nice house in the suburbs. Life will be full of happy gatherings and cookouts with our friends, neighbors, and family. We'll take vacations to odd places full of laughter and take oodles of goofy pictures with each other. Life would be fun and I'd be happy.
§
I want to live on a farm and grow things in the dirt. I'll have livestock to raise and crops to harvest. I'll wake with the sun and spend the day outside surrounded by the plants and animals I care for. Perhaps I'll eventually find someone who shares my desire for this type of life and we'll spend our weekends at farmer's markets and pick-alongs. There would always be something that needs doing on a farm, but life wouldn't seem pointless, and I'd be happy.
§
I want to abandon all sense of stability and modern living and walk the Appalachian Trail. To experience nature and life in a way very few people these days are able to imagine anymore. Spending each day with the only things I truly need packed on my back and with a singular goal in mind: to take one more step. To reach the end and not only feel a sense of great accomplishment, but perhaps to realize more about myself and grow along the way. Nothing about this would be easy, but I'd be happy.

§
I want to live a life where I'm not afraid of everything. I want to laugh, to love, and to cry without this suffocating fear of what you think of me constantly keeping me locked away inside myself. I want to find the courage to be the suburbanite, or the farmer, or the thru-hiker if I feel like it. Or even some combination of them all. To be whatever me I want to be.

Then I'll be happy.

Interesting

2008-03-26T14:29:00.005-04:00

Came across this today and thought it was interesting. It's from the site National Priorities.org:

Taxpayers in Asheville, North Carolina have paid $101.2 million for the Iraq War thus far. For the same amount of money, the following could have been provided:

21,681 People with Health Care or
80,313 Homes with Renewable Electricity or
2,592 Public Safety Officers or
1,898 Music and Arts Teachers or
20,114 Scholarships for University Students or
8 New Elementary Schools or
958 Affordable Housing Units or
48,280 Children with Health Care or
13,738 Head Start Places for Children or
2,099 Elementary School Teachers or
1,549 Port Container Inspectors

Not that the money actually would have spent on anything as remotely beneficial as the list above, of course.

Lights Out

2008-03-18T09:22:00.003-04:00

I think there's something weird in the electrical wiring of my apartment. Either that, or I have a poltergeist with a vendetta against light bulbs. In the four years I've lived there at least 8 table-type lamps have burned out and I've had to replace numerous appliance bulbs (refrigerator, stove light, etc.). Not a simple case of the bulb burning out with the lamps though, we're talking sparks flying, the flash of a short circuit, and that wonderful ozone smell kind of thing. When that happens I toss the lamp since I don't feel particularly safe using it again afterwards.

On Saturday I lost my 3rd pole-type lamp (the cheap ones with the halogen bulbs). I was sitting in the computer room and it started to get noticeably darker. I heard a slight sizzling sound and realized it was yet another lamp in its death throes. Then last night I went into the kitchen and the bulb over the table flashed three times and died. So now I'm down to 2 lamps in the house that work and I'm wary to spend any kind of money on new ones. Maybe I should look into some kind of battery powered lights. The little voice inside wants to take this as some kind of sign. There are too many ways to see this as a "darkness is coming", "my lights are dying out" kind of thing though so I'm purposefully avoiding placing that type of significance on it and going with the faulty wiring angle.

I've had some odd experiences with electricity in my life, so maybe it's me doing all this. Is there a way to have your magnetic field measured?

When my parents were building their house back in the early 80's I had a transformer blow up on me (burned a hole in my shirt and sent me flying backwards a few feet). A few years later a lamp in my bedroom had burned out (sound familiar?) and I was playing with the wiring from it. I spliced the ends, plugged it into the outlet, and like a scene from TV touched the ends of the bare wires together (DO NOT try this at home kids). The flash blinded me for a few seconds, fused the wires together, and kicked the breakers in the house off. Luckily the parents weren't home so I was able to hide the evidence, but it was probably the stupidest and most dangerous thing I've ever done.

New Toy

2008-03-16T22:00:00.003-04:00

Behold the awesomeness that is iPod Touch:

It's like I've been awoken from some long boring dream and handed the most wonderful toy ever. My inner geek giggles with delight every time I push one of the virtual buttons. If it came with Star Trek-esque sounds and graphics I think I'd pass out from sheer pleasure.

Tuscan Chicken

2008-03-16T21:56:00.001-04:00

This week’s cooking attempt was Tuscan Chicken. I roasted some baby potatoes and had a small salad with it also, and it turned out well. It would have been good over some pasta so I’m going to cook a bit of linguine for the leftovers. At any rate, here’s the recipe I used:

Potatoes: I just threw some stuff together, didn’t really follow a recipe.

1lb baby potatoes
Olive oil
Basil
Thyme
Oregano

Place the potatoes in a roasting pan. Mix the spices in the olive oil and pour over the potatoes. Bake at 350 for about an hour.

Tuscan Chicken: I took the majority of the recipe from a cookbook, but changed a few things to keep it low-sodium and according to what ingredients I had on-hand.

1 teaspoon olive oil
6 skinless chicken breasts, cut into small chunks
1 onion, thinly sliced
2 red bell peppers, seeded and sliced
1 garlic clove (I put in 3-4 cloves, I love garlic)
1 ½ cups tomato sauce (I used 1 can of diced tomatoes [no sodium added])
½ cup dry white wine
1 teaspoon oregano
14 oz can navy or white beans (I used pinto beans I froze from a previous Sunday Dinner)
3 tablespoons bread crumbs
salt and pepper to taste (I left out the salt)

Add the oil to a non-stick pan and fry the chicken until done. (It doesn’t have to be completely cooked, just get it most of the way there). Remove the chicken and set aside. Add the onion and peppers to the pan and cook until soft (don’t brown them).

Add the chicken back to the pan and put in the garlic, tomatoes, wine, oregano, salt & pepper and bring to a boil. Cover the pan and simmer for 30-35 minutes (until the chicken is tender and doesn’t run pink when punctured). Stir in the beans and simmer 5 more minutes.

Transfer to an oven safe dish, sprinkle with bread crumbs, and broil until golden brown. (I skipped this part and it turned out rather well despite the bread crumbs).

Chef T

2008-03-09T19:04:00.004-04:00

I didn't really feel like doing something involved for my meal this week so I went with Honey and Orange Glazed Chicken, with baked potatoes and a Caesar Salad. I had everything for it already except for the orange and orange juice so it ended up being a pretty cheap meal too, which is always a good thing. No pics yet since it's still in the oven cooking, but making the glaze for it beforehand smelled awfully tasty so I'm hoping it turns out well.

Got an angel food cake for dessert (with strawberries). I've heard their pretty simple to make so I may try to bake one of those in the coming weeks.

Random

2008-03-07T11:24:00.003-05:00

Yet another slow week. My emotional state has been happy at times and depressed with life at others (and pretty much everything in between too), so while dull the week's at least been kind of interesting from that perspective. To be happy and content with your life in the morning and then be depressed about how your life is a complete failure and happiness is an illusion by nightfall gets a bit tedious every day though. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
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Shelbster seems to be feeling better. Her appetite is way up but her water intake is back to normal. She feels like she's loosing weight though; I can feel her spine in a few places and the skin around her back legs looks a little loose. Her energy levels are good though and she acts happy, so I'm not too worried about her overall.
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Saw my first daffodil of the year yesterday as I was leaving work. It's in a junky little parking lot near the lot at work, but it's still a pretty sight to see. Especially since it's rainy and cold today.

Sunday Dinner

2008-03-03T22:53:00.010-05:00

Making a huge meal for dinner (lunch) on Sundays was always a tradition in my family when I was growing up. Granny would start cooking early in the morning and by the time church was out there wasn't a spot on any counter top or table that didn't have some kind of food on it. And we're talking real food too, all of it made from scratch...fried chicken, corn bread, beans, biscuits, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, cakes, pies, and wonderfully over-sweetened iced tea (with saccharin!) to wash it all down.

And the people came. At least a dozen or more every Sunday. When you have as large a family as we had it's hard not to draw a crowd when everyone knew Granny was in the kitchen (dad has 4 sisters & 3 brothers, mom has 7 sisters). Imagine being 5-8 years old, having a half dozen or more cousins your age around every weekend, and all of you being hopped up on sugar and greasy food and then let loose in a yard surrounded by woods and pastures. It was heaven.

Of course things change, families grow up and drift apart, and those afternoons of running and playing for hours on end get filed away as fond memories. But there's always been something about having a big meal on Sundays that's stuck with me. I love to cook, but being single and living alone makes cooking a real meal for 1 person something of a bother at times. So odds are when I do cook something substantial it's usually going to happen on Sunday. That gives me leftovers for most of the work week, I have all day to cook it, and it lets me flashback to the days spent in Granny's kitchen eating all that wonderful food.

Last week was Chicken Tetrazzini from a recipe I found at the Food Network's site (here's a pic). This week I decided to get back to my roots and made a big pot of pinto beans, baked some corn bread (from scratch), and had some boiled cabbage. I found some uncured bacon that had no added nitrates or nitrites and about half the sodium of regular bacon, so I used that to season both the beans and the cabbage.

Very tasty.

Home?

2008-02-27T09:50:00.004-05:00

I have now lived in Asheville longer than I've ever lived anywhere else in my life. I moved here at the end of February, 2000 so that puts me at 8 years now in the "Land of the Sky". Eight years seems like a long time to be in one place for me, but I know people who have lived in the same area their entire lives so like everything else, it's all relative.

Stevenson, Alabama: 6 years
Maumee, Ohio: 4 years
George Hildebran, North Carolina: 8 years
Raleigh, North Carolina: 7 years
Boone, North Carolina: 5 years
Asheville, North Carolina: 8 years and counting

I like it here and don't particularly want to go anywhere else but I've never stayed in one place longer than this and I'm feeling a bit trapped. My life so far has been one move after another; settling into a place for a while but eventually packing everything up and moving on to the next place.

Is it time for me to stop and try to build a life here, or do I do the gypsy thing and start over again somewhere else?

Run Away!

2008-02-25T09:56:00.005-05:00

I've been thinking about my current medical stuff quite a bit, and there's a part of me that wants to run away from it all. I feel like buying a carton of cigarettes and lighting up again, living off the saltiest, fat-filled foods I can find, and washing everything down with remarkably obscene amounts of Mountain Dew & alcohol. Forget about taking meds and altering my diet and exercise habits to be healthy, I want to be young and stupid again.

I'm not going to do any of that of course. It's time to "be an adult", "eat responsibly", "take care of myself", etc. All the cliché bullshit you hear from everyone else who has been forced to grow up, get old, and eat food that's good for you.

Granted I'm only in week three of my old age, but it hasn't really been that bad so far. The low-sodium, low-fat, no caffeine diet isn't as flavorless and boring as I'd been anticipating. Plus when I do allow myself to eat something bad, it feels like even more of a treat now than it used to be.

$18,776

2008-02-18T10:44:00.006-05:00

That's the amount of the bill I received in the mail on Friday for my 2-night stay in the hospital the week before. Almost $1,000 of that was for drugs alone. Thankfully everything was billed directly to insurance so the hospital isn't expecting a payment from me. Hopefully the insurance company will be polite and helpful about it and not dispute any of the charges. I was actually expecting the bill to be bigger, but then the tests they performed weren't itemized on the bill so I may be receiving the charges for those later.

I've been looking for a new career path; maybe I should consider something in health care. Apart from the money factor, it might make me feel good and give me a confidence boost by helping people. Something to mull over.

------

Shelbster's blood test on Thursday came back and her glucose levels were closer to normal, so we're sticking at this new insulin dosage for a bit. Her increased water intake is most likely a result of the Cushing's making her think she's thirsty all the time. The vet compared it to having cotton-mouth or a dry throat almost constantly. She isn't dehydrated and doesn't need all the water she's drinking, her mind just thinks she does. So I'm cutting back on the amount of water I leave out for her when I'm not there. I hate the thought of her sitting there thinking she's thirsty all the time, but that's better for her than drinking and outputting almost 2 gallons of water a day and giving her a bladder infection.

Out of Character

2008-02-13T21:36:00.011-05:00

I did some things completely out of character for myself today. Nothing big or anything, just a series of small things. They weren't anything that I planned to do either.

I started a conversation with someone at work that I hadn't really talked to before, completely at random. We kept the conversation alive for quite a while, and I was truly interested in it and the person. And I learned some cool things about them on a personal level that I otherwise wouldn't know.

Even though I did find myself getting a touch upset with the driving habits of some of the ~~dumb ass mutha...~~ friendly drivers around me at times, I calmed my anger immediately and kept it in check. I even listened to music instead of having the radio turned off like usual.

I used a cart at the grocery store and took my time, instead of rushing mindlessly through the store with a handheld basket. Then instead of the self-checkout line like usual (so I don't have to talk to anyone), I went through a normal line and chatted with the clerk while I bagged my own groceries so she wouldn't have to.

I also smiled a lot and was in a fairly good mood all day. I even talked to the neighbor's kid for a bit as I was bringing groceries inside. He looks to be around 12 or 13 and gave me a thoughtful look before going inside and said "You know, you're kinda cool." (I've received this reaction from my nephews as well and I think it's because I find it easy to talk to kids. I try to speak to them like adults instead of children and it takes them by surprise at times.)

Slow

2008-02-13T08:54:00.006-05:00

Haven't really been doing much the last few days beyond working and lying around the house trying to take it easy. Everything's going fine, just dull and boring while I try to get through the week of healing after the cath thing. I can't lift more than a few pounds or be very domestic since I'm not supposed to bend or put undue stress on my hip, so no sweeping, vacuuming, taking out the trash, etc. Pity, that.

Shelbster's still drinking a lot more than she should be so the increase in insulin doesn't seem to be helping her much. I'm taking her to the vet tomorrow afternoon to check her glucose levels; maybe the doc will know more then and be able to get things as much under control as we're able at this point.

Hospital Time

2008-02-10T20:06:00.001-05:00

As predicted, the cardiologist appointment on Thursday went a bit worse than the urologist visit. They noticed some irregularities in my EKG and blood flow sounds, and given my history with Takayasu's, they decided I needed some more in-depth testing. And boy howdy, do I mean in-depth. I was taken by ambulance (prone and strapped down on the gurney, with the oxygen thing in my nose and everything) directly from the cardiologist's office to the hospital. They didn't want to cause more stress on my heart by letting me drive.

They did a CAT scan later that afternoon and found out that my aorta was enlarged and calcified. In the words of the cardiac surgeon I "have the aorta of an 80-year old man", which is never something you really want to hear, unless of course you're 90 or older. They're worried about the aorta continuing to enlarge but think the calification may actually help in that it'll keep it from getting much bigger. It's a concern, but since there is still decent blood flow through it, it isn't something to worry about immediately. I'm scheduled for follow up visits so they can keep an eye on it and see if it gets any worse. If it does my only course of action would be to replace the vessel. Fun, fun.

But it doesn't end there. They also did a cardiac catheterization the following day to check the blood flow in the arteries feeding my heart. It involves inserting a catheter into an artery in the leg and feeding it up through the body until it gets to the heart, then injecting dye and watching how the blood flows. The good news is they didn't find anything wrong with them whatsoever, they termed them "pristine". The bad news is that blood flow to my left kidney is 90% blocked. They checked the kidneys on their way since I'd had problems with them as a child and the catheter went right by the renal arteries as they were feeding it up my body. They're not very concerned about it for the moment but I'll be following up with a renal specialist to discuss possible angioplasty and inserting a stent to open up the artery. Which can all be done on an outpatient basis somehow. Medicine's come a long way in the last 20 years.

I was finally able to leave the hospital on Saturday and come home. They've started me on some beta-blockers for my blood pressure and heart rate and I have several follow-up visits to schedule over the next few months.

Overall I feel pretty good about the situation, considering everything that happened and that will need to happen in the future. It was a bit scary being wheeled out on a stretcher in an ambulance, and then all the waiting for the tests to be done and results to come back was a little unnerving as well. But having my parents and sister come up to keep me company, and knowing that The Shelbster was safe and well cared for by Greg helped keep me from getting too stressed out about it all.

One Down

2008-02-06T08:27:00.000-05:00

Well the urologist confirmed that it's "only" a hydrocele. As long as it's not causing any pain or isn't too uncomfortable then my best course of action is to do nothing and it will more than likely go away on its own. 'Course if it gets worse then surgery may be needed, but I choose not to dwell on that right now.

I have a feeling that the cardiologist appointment tomorrow won't go quite as smoothly. A blood pressure reading of 191/101 is usually a sign that something is amiss.

Medic!

2008-02-04T11:22:00.000-05:00

A bit of history...I spent a large majority of my junior high school years (7th, 8th, and 9th grades) being shuffled between doctors and hospitals. I was eventually diagnosed with Takayasu's Arteritis (or Takayasu's Disease) and placed on several medications for it and the other problems that cropped up because of it. As the condition causes a narrowing of the arteries, the worst thing that happened was having to have two renal angioplasties performed on my kidneys. That's where they go into the blood vessel with a balloon and inflate the part that is narrower than it should be. I was fortunate enough to have the first of those performed by none other than Dr. Andreas Grüntzig, the doctor who originally invented the procedure (he died in a tragic plane crash a few years later in 1985). I have one of the classic symptoms of the condition in my left arm, termed “pulselessness” because the artery in that arm has narrowed to the point of virtual non-existence, causing me not to have a pulse in my left wrist. It's smaller & quite a bit weaker than my right arm, and tires easily because of the reduced blood flow.

When I started college 5-6 years later, the condition was under control and had gone into an “inactive” state. By this point I was extremely tired of taking drugs every day and dealing with their side effects. I had spent my entire teenage life taking medications & seeing doctors, watching my diet closely (low sodium diet from high blood pressure), and not being able to do anything remotely akin to the level of physical activity enjoyed by my peers ("no prolonged aerobic or anaerobic activity" was the official proclamation from my cardiologist...i.e. no running, playing, hiking, or sports of any kind for fear of a heart attack, stroke, or worse).

I was barely 20 years old but felt like I was an old man; taking a gamut of drugs every morning and having some long-term side effects starting to creep up, especially from the prednisone. So I took myself off medication and decided to let things play out however they would. If the condition came back and things started to get worse, then I'd be old and hopefully be ready to live a medicated, highly structured life by then. Above all I wanted to experience a life without all that worry and stress.

And for the last 20 years I've done it. I've lived the way I wanted to live: free from doctors and thoughts of thickening arteries, free from the routine of daily medications, free from as much responsibility as I could possibly muster. I've drank. I've smoked. I've lived with no regard to my health whatsoever. And it's been glorious. I got to be "normal" for a while and not worry about rare diseases and drug interactions.

But I'm afraid it may be about time to pay the piper. I've been having pretty steady chest pains for the last couple of weeks. It's not a stabbing type of pain but more like a squeezing or pressure in the left side of my chest. I've also developed what may or may not be a hydrocele. So for the first time in two decades, I went to see a doctor last week. Three ultrasounds later, I'm scheduled to see a urologist tomorrow to rule out testicular cancer and a cardiologist on Thursday for an echocardiogram and a more in-depth cardiovascular exam.

And I'm cool with everything. I knew this was coming and I'd have to face it again if I survived off meds long enough. I'm ready to be that "old man" that I thought I was becoming back then. And I wouldn't change the last 20 years for anything. I made the right decision for me then, and I'd do it again given the chance.

Cable

2008-01-18T09:48:00.000-05:00

I didn't really think it was possible for me to get lazier, but this past week I've impressed myself with an almost supernatural burst of sloth. It all started last weekend when I called the cable company and added HBO/Cinemax/Starz to my TV lineup. I'd been debating doing it for a few weeks now and decided to finally take the plunge Saturday evening.

It was part of a 6-month "package deal" that gives me faster internet speeds and HBO/Cinemax/Starz for almost the exact same price I'm paying now for just cable and internet. I know it's a way for them to try to boost revenue...they're hoping I will either forget when the 6 months is over (when it reverts to normal pricing) or that I'll get hooked on the movies and be willing to pay the $60 or so extra a month by then. But by the time the offer ends in June/July, I'm hoping to be well on my way towards my next goal and won't need as much TV time in my life.

All that being said, giving myself movie channels right now is like dangling a cigarette in front of a smoker on his third day being "smoke free". I've had movie channels before, but I'd forgotten how nice it is to have large chunks of time-wasting potential like that at my fingertips 24 hours a day. I've managed to get a bit of reading in and taken care of the annoying, menial duties that have to be done (dishes, laundry, going to work, etc.), but otherwise I've been beached on the couch watching movie after movie. And if that's not bad enough, all the movies I've watched so far are ones that I've seen before (some of them twice, some thrice, and others I know well enough to follow the dialogue with the actors).

I'm not sure what I'll do if they show something I haven't seen before.

Review

2008-01-11T09:08:00.000-05:00

Finished up "Merle's Door" last night. I didn't know anything about the book other than the cover pictures and from reading the jacket notes, so I wasn't really sure what kind of book to expect. I read this one differently than I usually do other books; instead of immersing myself completely and spending all of my time reading, I took my time with it. I read a chapter or two here and there, or in 15-20 minute blocks. I think doing it differently helped give me a different perspective on the book and it seemed to be the best way for me to absorb it.

I liked the book quite a bit, and I can safely say that this is the first Canine Biography I've ever read. I'm sure Shelbe being near the end of her time helped the story to resonate with me a bit more than it might for people who have never had a dog be a big part of their lives.

I've decided to put the Stephen Donaldson book ("The Runes of the Earth: The Last Chronicles of Thomas Covenant") on hold for a bit. I've read the first 80 pages or so, and like it so far, but I don't think I'm ready to commit myself to reading it right now. When I read a book like this, I have to let myself fall into the book's world. In order to get what I want to from it, I try to experience everything from the perspective of an invisible observer inside the book's universe. I visualize myself as an unseen character that follows alongside the main characters so I can feel and try to understand what they're going through. And I'm not in the right place to do that right now. Maybe next week.

Propaganda

2008-01-09T08:44:00.000-05:00

Are the elections over yet?

Have we finally decided to start making national and international decisions based on logic and reason instead of fear, greed, and religious doctrine?

I could almost become slightly political this year given my revulsion of the current administration's congregation, tactics, and policies. But I'm not really smitten with anyone on the other side either. It's starting to look like the last election for me. I didn't like any (either) of the options then, so I chose not to vote. I know you're supposed to do your "civic duty" and get your little gold-star sticker for your lapel saying you voted, but what if I don't like any of my choices? I'm not going to vote for someone I don't want in office. And since it's always either A or B there aren't many choices to pick from.

We need more options; the days of the two-party system need to come to an end.

Cold, Snowy Day

2008-01-02T20:28:00.001-05:00

Thanks to my nifty new temperature gauge I got for Kwanzaa, I was able to tell that it was 22° F when I got up this morning (WLOS had a reading of 16). Today was supposed to be my first day back to work after all the holiday time off but I ended up not going in. It snowed last night and left a nice blanket over most of the area. I only had a couple inches but there was a thin sheet of ice on the parking lot underneath the snow so I didn't go in at the normal time. The sun popped through the clouds and started to melt it off a bit around 10:00 AM, and I'd planned on going in to work around lunch time. I sat down and took a few cat naps though and let time slip away until it was too late. Pity.

I was a little congested when I woke up and it's gotten progressively worse since then. I figure my body was trying to get me prepped for some nastiness by getting the extra sleep in. Always fun to start a new year by being sick. Hopefully it's just a little cold and not the funk my sister and her family had before the holidays.

New Year

2008-01-01T00:26:00.000-05:00

Well, 2008 is finally here. Time to start a couple more balls rolling and let them build up the momentum they'll need to get things done.

Spent New Year's Eve by myself this year (by choice). Just wanted to be alone this year and not have to go anywhere or do anything or deal with anyone. Plus I don't think the Shelbster has a lot of time left so I don't want to put her under any more stress than I have to right now. I may be mistaken about that (and I hope I am) but there's no point putting her through the added hardship unless I have no other choice.

Today I thought a lot about another NYE that I spent alone. It was 16 years ago, 1991 was coming to an end, and I was getting ready to flounder through my final attempted semester at college before finally throwing in the towel. All of my friends at the time had either already graduated or would be graduating in a few short months and they had planned a night on the town of dancing, drinking, and partying to celebrate the coming of 1992 and their final semester of school. When I found out about the festivities, and that they didn't want me to go along with them, I was devastated. So instead of sitting at home alone and having to deal with my emotions I went to a midnight showing of the latest movie release: "Hook". Not the best movie in the world by far, but it gave my mind something else to focus on as the year rolled over and helped the night ease by. My relationships with them changed a lot after that and I started down a different path shortly afterwards. "Hook" still has a special meaning for me today because of that night though.

I'm not feeling the same things as I spend NYE by myself tonight, but I catch myself thinking of that particular night quite a bit this time of year and thought about it a lot today. Things have changed in 16 years and it's good to remember times like those from a different perspective. It was one of my low times from an emotional standpoint, but if it hadn't happened then I'd be a completely different person today. Besides, I have some big things in store for this coming year. 2008 could very well be a pretty good year for me; no need to dwell too much on the past when it's time to keep plowing ahead.

24th

2007-12-24T02:42:00.000-05:00

Season's Greetings
Happy Saturnalia
Merry Midwinter
Habari Gani
‘Īd mubārak
Happy Hanukkah
Joyous Yule
Merry Christmas
Happy Solstice
Mele Kalikimaka
Happy Holidays